Family Time and Long Distance Relationships

Clearing up Confusion and Misunderstandings

Recently there has been confusion within my extended family about Yu.  He tries his hardest to use English well but he is just learning.  So my family misunderstood what he had said. It is common with multilingual relationships.  I do not speak Chinese, just learning too, so this makes it even more difficult to communicate sometimes.

Over the weekend we had a family gathering and I "brought" Yu along!  More like bring a phone and video calling him so people can meet him.  It got me thinking that maybe the confusion was also that they have not seen him, other than one of my younger cousins and my grandmother.  So I had my family, who were there, say hello to him.  The poor network connection made it tricky at times but it seemed like it worked well.

Yu was overwhelmed with so many people, how fast they were talking, and so many names.  He knows faces but not their names.  It is understandable and I think that my family understands too. Yu was happy to finally meet some of the family and can't wait to meet them in person.

Party Time!

Cousin Emily showing her gift from us.  Yu was happy I found some things in Chinese here in the USA.  I even practiced my Chinese characters on her birthday card.  To make it even better my mom and I were able to sing to her in Chinese.  

It was not too long after meeting everyone, Yu had to go to bed.  It was midnight, his time.  He was sleepy but he wanted to stay up to say hello to everyone. It made me proud of his commitment to greet everyone.  I told him he had to sleep because he had to go to work the next day.

After sending Yu to bed, it was time for the celebration to begin.  My younger cousin was celebrating her 15th birthday. I was able to record her party for Yu to watch later  He really wanted to be there to celebrate with others. I think he would have enjoyed playing games with everyone.  My youngest cousin was just learning how to read so he was on my team while we were playing Apples to Apples. ~We won second place!~

Long Distance Relationships

This kind of relationship is hard, not being able to be there in person is difficult.  Yu wanted so much to be with my family that I could tell that he was willing to stay up so late to video with them.  He asked what would be good for him to say and was particular to try his best to make a good impression to them.

I used to think long distance relationships could not work out.  Since dating Yu I have realized distance is nothing in a relationship.  Here is what I mean:

1. Distance does not lessen how much a person loves you.  The distance between two mature people has no correlation between the amount of love each person has for the other.  With that in mind, it leads us to the second point of trust.  Trust is involved in relationships and is needed in a long distance relationships. 

2. Trust is key to the relationship.  More trust in the other person is needed for a long distance relationship.  To any relationship, trust is needed.  No matter the distance, if you lack trust in the person, your relationship will fall apart very easily.  Long distance relationships will take a lot of trust and will test your trust in the other person.  I know that I have learned a lot about myself and my trust levels.  This leads right into the next point.

3. Understanding and commitment to understanding the other person is important in long distance relationships.  My relationship with Yu requires understanding.  We have a language barrier, time difference, and cultural differences that need a lot of understandings so there is no confusion and misinterpretations. This is part of caring for another person.  In a true relationship, it takes work to understand the other person.  It is no different in a long distance relationship.  My relationship with Yu showed me how much understanding I really do have.

4.  Caring for someone takes time and effort.  Most long distance relationships that do not work out is lacking the care and the effort it takes to keep it going.  That means that the time could have been cut short because of distrust, disloyalty, and other reasons, but deep down someone gave up.  This happens in normal relationships too.  Everything is heightened in a long distance relationship though. 

SO can long distance relationships work?

Sure they can.  It just takes more effort and time to care enough to keep the relationship and have understanding for one another and trust in each other.  Love can actually get stronger.  I have felt more love from Yu than I did in any of my other relationships that were not long distance.

Have anyone experienced a successful long distance relationship or a failed one?  How has it changed you?