New to Minnesota: Yu's First Year in MN

I came up with a list of things that were new for Yu in Minnesota and a lit of some cultural differences Yu faces in his new home.

Winters -- Burrrrr!!!!
Yu has settled more into life in Minnesota, USA.  He found it very hard to deal with differences and changes.  Weather was and is a big deal to get used to.  Weather in Minnesota (MN) is different than in Shanghai.  For one factor, MN have more extreme cold winters than Shanghai has.  We have more dry air which makes it us have some drying skin or very chapped lips from the cold winds.  Yu found himself using more chap-sticks for his lips and try to protect his skin more.

MN Nice -- Well-mannered
Yu found that his time in MN has showed him a new kindness that is unique to him.  In MN we have a thing called Minnesota Nice.  Many people whom live in MN find it a way to be kind to everyone, which is a stereotype of MN.  We find it to be a little joke or something that is laughable a little.  Yu actually says that it is a real thing because he runs into many situations where people were nice to total strangers.  Many times he was lost or forgot where to go and many times there were strangers offering to help him.  This simple act of kindness that we find normal in MN is something that doesn't really happen where he is from.  He was even touched by how an old woman came up to him offering to take him home when he was a little lost.

Smoking --
Yu found that adapting to MN views about smoking to be a little different than in Shanghai.  Many Chinese find smoking to be a relaxing past time, a way to celebrate, a social thing, and a way to be kind to others (as in offering a cigarette to others).  In MN smoking is more viewed negatively.  In many places in China, smoking is okay.  If you walk around town you can see people smoke in restaurant, outside the door of buildings, sometimes in shopping centers people might smoke.  The only time you see people not smoking would be on public transpiration or where there may be signs posted.  It is much different in MN.  In MN it is against the law to smoke in restaurant or other areas.  In MN you have to stand a great distance from entrances of buildings to smoke outside.  Yu said if you want to smoke you need to hide away from the door because MN people don't like smoke.  Smokers in MN may get bad comments or looks when they smoke in front of others at times.  He finds that Chinese welcomes smokers more than MN.  Many people in MN view smoking as a link to lung cancer so many people take issue with it.

Cash vs. Credit Cards -- 
Since coming into the USA, Yu has learned not many people in the USA carry cash like people in China do.  China seems to be the place where they use cash only.  Card payments or phone payments (banks linked to the phone -- different than Apple Pay or other apps) are less common than cash payments.  One main reason in USA we don't use cash as much is because of safety.  When a criminal sees someone with a lot of cash, they are 10 times as likely take that cash from that person.  It is usually normally safe but you never know whom will want to take what is not theirs.  Muggings are basically the main reason why Americans don't want to carry large amounts of cash with them. If their cards were taken it is more easy to stop the thief from using their money due to protection on their cards.  It is really hard to get cash back from a thief.  After a year of being here, Yu still finds it is a strange custom but understands safety with it.

Elderly and Funerals -- 
As sad as it is, while Yu was here, my Grandma Jean passed away a few months ago.  Months leading up to her passing was full of doctor appointments and hospital stays.  Yu took time to fully understand why Grandma Jean wanted to be in her own house away from family.  This is something that is not common in USA.  Most households in China have a multi-generational understand and setup of homes.  The Chinese want the elderly to live with their families.  He took time to understand that Grandma Jean wanted to be considered independent and prove she still can do things on her own like she used to do.  She still saw her family as her little kids she had to take care of.  She didn't want to burden anyone, it was a kind of pride for her.  Yu also had to deal with the concept of nursing homes.  He finally understood them to be as a place for those whom need medical attention for their daily lives, not as mush needed like in the hospital.  He was then around for the funeral.

In China there are many customs and views on funerals.  For Yu, he couldn't carry the casket or speak at the funeral.  He found it odd that I was a pole-bearer and I was working hard on helping with the funeral stuff.  The fact that I carried the casket created a confusion due to culture.  It was considered very bad luck for me to carry a dead body being I was young, married, and have not born children yet.  He then found peace with it because once he saw Grandma Jean in her open casket, he felt like she was at peace.  In China when he was at other funerals he felt scared and uneasy.

Yu wanted to do something special for Grandma Jean so he brought some coins for her.  He gave her two gold coins one for each hand.  He had others put in her hands as it was something that he couldn't do due to custom.  He then took more coins he had collected and we all put coins in her grave.  In China, those whom have died are honored in different ways.  He tried to explain some of many ways they honor those who have passed away.  In China they burn objects like money or small items like cars (usually things that represent the real thing).  They believe that the burning of these things will send up to the heavens where their loved ones will then have these objects so they can have better life.  Yu said that the gold in Grandma Jean's hands will be with her for her to get a better life when she is reborn into the world.   (Yu's family is Buddhist.  There are many religions in China and not everyone believes this but there are many that do).  Yu believes that because he gave her something that Grandma will bless him.

Yu found that funerals for Americans are different for each person.  He went to one funeral before Grandma Jean's.  The first funeral was just a big BBQ gathering at a park.  It was a big party and had nothing to do with religion.  Grandma Jean's funeral was a traditional Lutheran Christian service gathering.  There was traditional songs and prayers.  Yu found that it was different to see how people pray to God differently than when he would pray.  The funeral had food too where people could share a meal and talk to people.  Yu found that it was a nice thing to do at a funeral.  He got to meet all kinds of elders on Grandma Jean's side.  He did his best to show respect to them and many of the elders though he was a very well-mannered young man.  My father loved introducing him as his son.

Talk Chinese Now!

Younger uncle and my mother-in-law standing proud with us at our wedding.

There were times I had no idea what was being said.  Yu was able to let me know what was being said.

"You have been here long enough, you must talk Chinese now!" my husband's younger uncle told me (in Chinese) on his way out to greet other guests that attended the wedding.  I nodded my head.  At this point in time I only knew how to say polite words such as: good morning, good night, hello, how are you, thank you, and I love you.  I had no idea what to say to people.  It takes a long time for me to learn words and statements in other languages.  Ask my Spanish teacher, I really needed all the help I could get to recall all the vocabulary.  I have a learning disability so my brain processes information differently and recalls things in a different way.  It is slow for me to learn so my husband wasn't too insistent for me to learn Chinese.

He knew that it was a challenge for me to get the tones right and the words and form the sounds correctly.  We would spend hours on our walks, dates, and time spent at home, practicing Chinese for me to use when we are hosting the wedding.  I learned all the family names that I could and tried my best.  I forgot things and I know I said the wrong words but I think everyone was happy to know I was trying.  If you are learning a new language the majority of people will be pleased you are trying to embrace the language and culture.

My husband was a great help at the wedding, he would tell me what to say in Chinese and I would repeat to the best of my ability.  I was so nervous I would say the wrong thing or do something impolite.  This was on of my biggest anxiety moments I had when I was in China.  Meeting people I don't know and immersing myself in a culture that I knew little about and had no idea what people are saying does give me high levels of anxiety. You can do as much research as you can in preparation for your trip or whatever the setting you are in but that doesn't mean you know it.  You only know it through research knowledge that is stored in your brain but you have yet to experience it.

For me, I did a lot of reading of blogs of AMWF relationships and women living in China with their Chinese husbands, just to learn about culture. I found myself worried about knowing enough when I was in China. I know now that it wasn't necessary to be too worried.  I was able to be more relaxed after a few minutes with my family in China and then their family and friends that came to celebrate with us.

I was able to talk with friends and family whom spoke a little English and then also with those whom had translators to help with communication.  Even though uncle told me to speak Chinese and not English that day, I still spoke English and still made people proud with my little Chinese I did spoke that day.  I was glad to make my Chinese family proud.

I will give advice for those who are learning Chinese.  Chinese can be difficult to master so don't give up.  Just practice.  I try to practice new words for 10 minutes before I go to work, around lunch time or dinner time, and then before going to bed.  I try to master words to remember the meaning, the character(s), the sound, and the way to say it.  I have found some apps that help with this but practicing with my husband is the best so I can have him tell me if I am saying it correctly.  I have found that some apps are not fully accurate with recording recognition.  Sometimes I have found that the words are not said correctly but the apps I have used says that it is.

I have may textbooks and recorded lessons for learning Chinese too.  These can help but not always the best for knowing if you are saying the words correctly. The best way to learn Chinese is being around those who speak Chinese.  This helps to know if you are speaking correctly.  Find friends whom speak Chinese and ask if they can help you too.  I have friends who do language exchange so we teach each other our languages.

Remember that if you have been immersed in a setting of Chinese speaking you will need time too.  I did not become fluent in Chinese in the small time I was living in China.  Sometimes expectations is not realistic so keep your goals real.  Setting goals should be measurable, able to meet that goal, and continue to make future goals.

Work in your time.  Don't follow other people's time of when to be fluent, just be you.  Each person has different learning abilities and time-frames to learn.  Find what works for you.  What works for me may not work for you.  I think you need to think about what makes learning easy for you and enjoyable.  Yes, learning can be enjoyable no matter what my brother-in-law or cousins may think.

For me, I like to learn through different things like music and TV shows.  My husband made his English better by watching TV shows and movies in English and learning English songs. This has helped me too. It is a very fun way to learn.  Watching some Chinese TV shows has been very fun.  You can learn about the culture through TV shows and even the form of storytelling that people use for those TV shows.  I love learning story telling techniques from different people groups.  It has always fascinated me.

What do you do to learn something new?  Have you learned a new language?  What did you do to learn?  What worked the best and what didn't work?  Do you have advice for language learning?

Chinese Memories: Hello and Drama

What was it like being in China?  This is a common question people ask me.  There wasn't too many differences from the town I live.  I felt just like I was at home, but I didn't understand most people or signs, there was more smoking and drinking than at home, and there was more need to pay attention to culture.  There were many similar things in China as in the USA.  I didn't really feel like I was thousands of miles away.

I felt like I was at home.  I felt welcome.  This was all over the place.  People would come up to me and say hello.  A lot of kids were told to come talk to me to practice their English.  This was so cute.  They all did great! I'm glad I can help to with your English practice.  I remember going to the market and looking at different things with my husband, Yu.  There was this boy who was very shy but his parent was insistent he goes to say hi.  You did a good job little buddy!

One time, late at night, my husband and I went out for something to eat and of course at this time of night most places are closed.  There was a few places opened but my hubby didn't want to go to those places.  He decided to get street BBQ food.  There was a narrow long grill on the side of the road with tables of foods to choose from and tables to eat at.  My husband picked out foods for the man to cook for us and we were told to sit down to wait for it.  Not too long after sitting there I heard loud voices.  By this time in China I had become accustomed to people just starring at me and people coming up Yu asking about me.  These voices were different.  It was a mixture of excitement exclamation and strange drunken, no filter loudness.  There was a table, on the other side of Yu, where two men were sitting.  The table had many bottles of what used to be beer.  Bottles of beer are much bigger in China than in the USA, think of the bottle as about two or three bottles of beer or cans of beer in USA.  There was about 6 or more bottles of Chinese beer that were empty and of course these two men wanted more.  They went to the man who was cooking the food to ask more more and then saw me.

Those who know me know that I don't like to draw attention to myself and try to blend in.  The man that was making such a loud fuss was rather loud and drawing more attention to those walking across the street and in nearby shops and restaurants that were still open. The man went to my husband and started to talk to him.  First I thought he was an old friend but then it changed once my hubby said the man wanted to know who I was and where I was from.  Of course once my hubby said I was his wife, the shock became voiced.  For some reason it was unbelievable for a Chinese man to have a wife from another country.  I became accustomed to the shock in people's face when they heard Yu was my boyfriend, fiancee, and now husband. The sheer volume of the shocked man's voice was a little ear piercing.

The man then asked where I was from and how to say he loves Americans.  The whole time he kept saying "I love American" and "I want to go to American" saying he loves USA and wants to go.  He then offered to pay for our meal.  Now in China, my husband pays for my meal.  There is a huge cultural significant of who pays the bill for food.  Before going to China I read about this cultural view point.  You can see it in a popular TV show in the USA called "Fresh Off the Boat" which explains that there is much to be said about who pays the bill.  The person who paid is the host, the provider, the person who paid for you.  Being the person whom doesn't pay can sometimes mean you owe the person whom paid, depending on the context.  When I was in China, my hubby paid for everything.  It is culturally expected for him to provide for his wife.  This is shown by paying for things, having some kind of property, and a car of some kind.  This is something I don't actually agree with but in the Chinese culture it is something that matters to them.

So the man offers to pay for the food and my husband says no.  I even told him no that my husband would pay for our food, since he then addressed me. I told him that he wasn't thinking straight that he might be drunk and it wasn't right to take money from people who were drunk.  The man then said he wasn't drunk and was just wanting to pay the money.  To this day I still am convinced he was what we call tipsy which is still a level of drunk. The man was still rather eager to pay.  He even went up to the "boss," the owner of the food stall and said he will pay no matter what. After a very long time of going back and forth of who will pay, Yu gave in and let the man pay.  The man paid and expressed through slurred speech that he will even pay for when my parents get to China.  As we were leaving the man expressed again that he America and people from there.

As we walked down the road Yu told me that I just witnessed Chinese drama.  I also felt as though I also witnessed a man that was the type of person I read about that just wants to be friends with someone from another country to brag about it or show off to friends.  When I was in China I felt as though I was a trophy at times for people to show off they met a foreigner.  I felt as though I was the foreigner and not just Jen.  Don't get me wrong, I love to help others learn about other cultures and help them with their English but I also felt as though I was just a teacher of English or just a person to take a photo or selfie with. 

Even though I felt as though this was happening I still felt welcomed in China.  I did make some good friends and enjoyed my time there.  I will forever remember the little kids trying to practice their English.  Those kids were so cute and I just loved them.  I will also remember the strange drunk man who I ended up seeing again and all he could say was "I love American"  and I just answered, "Yes, good job with your English!" for encouragement. 

The street BBQ had a table like this with all the foods to pick from.

Yu picked out scallops that he knew I loved. It have veggies and the boss put it with noodles and oysters too.

Oysters were really yummy! 

Yu also got me pork too.  He made me believe it was something totally different. 

Yu also picked out chicken skin that had some sauce on it. It was so good but again he tricked me into believing it was something else.

The boss had a narrow grill like this.  He would cook the food and season it too.  Good job boss, it was very delicious.

My Top 5 Dates in China

My favorite dates I went on in China is difficult to pick so I will list my top 5 dates. For those who are looking for ideas you first need to understand the interests of both persons going on the date.  If you find things that both persons love to do, then it should be just fine.

When I was in China, a lot of our dates were had a lot of walking.  We would walk to all kinds of places.  If you don't like to walk, make sure you bring money with you so you can pay for the taxi.  We also enjoyed food when we were on our dates.  A large varieties of foods are available in China.  There are big fancy dinning experiences which Yu wanted to have me experience them.  Even though it was a nice gesture, I am not always comfortable with fancy things.  I enjoyed more relaxing meal settings.  I loved going to BBQ and having hot pot.

A fast food place in the subway in Shanghai.  So yummy!

Chinese BBQ in Shanghai.  This was World War 2 themed.  This place also had hot pot too.

My Top 5 dates when I was in China:

1. Taking a walk :  Yu and I took walks all the time.  It was lovely to take walks around in all cities we were in.  In Shanghai we would take walks around to see different sites, shopping, or going out to eat.  In Wuxi we would take a walk to talk and to exercise together.  In Nantong we didn't have much to do so we would go for a walk around the little village town near the farms we were at.  The best thing when you go on a walk is to talk and enjoy the time together.  If you are going to walk, find a place to eat too and make it fun.  That is what makes a simple walk rememberable. Sometimes if you don't know what to do, just walk because there will be ideas of things to do everywhere you look.

Walking around Shanghai. 

We walked around People's Square in Shanghai.

2. The park: This is a great thing to do.  It doesn't take much money to enjoy being with another person.  Yu and I walked to the local park in Wuxi.  This part was way different than some of the parks we have in USA.  There was a shopping center connected to the park along with many different nature paths and statues.  It was fun to just walk together and enjoy nature.  In Wuxi we came across a saxophone player who was practicing.  It was great to hear his music.  I will always remember Yu giving me a flower from a tree near the path and putting it in my hair.  It wasn't too long until bees started to try to get me.  Funny moments to remember.  There are amusement parks that charge admission if you are wanting to pay but if you are looking for a cost effective date, just go to the local park and look around.

The park in Wuxi.  I loved this park so much.

There was all kinds of statues around.

The amusement park (Happy Valley) we went to in Shanghai.

3. The zoo:  For those who love animals the zoo is a great idea for a date.  We went to the wildlife park in Shanghai. There is a fee for this zoo so keep that in mind.  It was fun to walk around the zoo seeing all the animals.  This zoo even had a bus to take you through the enclosures.  It was fun to fee the animals too.  The best part of this date was just being relaxed around the animals.  I enjoyed it so much. 

At the front gate of the zoo. 

Feeding the coy fish with a baby bottle.

At first I was scared to fee the swans.  Moments like this make memories.

On the bus to see the animals in the enclosures.

4. KTV: This has got to be the most popular activity in China.  KTV  is a place to go for karaoke. These places are more private than out in the open.  Each place is a little different with their rates.  This is something I haven't seen in USA before.  In USA most places for karaoke is more public.  This was fun to just sit back and enjoy music and song.  Yu told me that most Chinese use this to relax and unwind from work.  The place we went to KTV was in Shanghai.  They are found all over in all the cities I had visited.  The KTV we went to charges by the hour.  There was a large collection of songs to pick from even English songs.  Yu had to pull up the songs for me. haha

At KTV with Yu.  The room was set up like a living room.

5. Staying in: The best date I have been on did not involve money but time.  That is the reason to go on a date.  Spending time with your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend is the best part of a date.  When I was in China, we would spend a lot of time visiting family and doing activities for the wedding that when we were able to just be at home, that was the best feeling.  Watching a movie or tv show was always fun to do.  Yu loves movies and he loves putting up the projector to put the movie on the wall.

Yu setting up the movie!

Who says you have to go to the club/bar for a good drink?

In Wuxi trying to enjoy some time before the next family meet and greet.

Yu and I together in Nantong.  We just got back form shopping for wedding things.  Such a long day.

Finding joy in the small things and knowing expectations is a big factor in planning a date.  I am not one to expect much of anything from people.  I am happy with what I have and enjoy the small things in life. 

Gift Giving

Giving gifts has always been something I loved to do.  I got it down to a science of picking out the perfect gift to make someone happy, surprised, and feel like I know them. When it came to giving gifts to my Chinese family, it was a lot of effort to figure out what to get them.  I read so many things about what is culturally acceptable to give as a gift.  I even asked some of my Chinese friends in the USA what would be good.  There are many things that I had to keep in mind. 

I ended up picking items that are specialty items or something I know the person will use.  Specialty items have more value in China.  So I was able to bring some specialty items from my home state to China. Everyone sure liked the maple candy I brought.  Specialty candies are great to give.  I explained to my family in China that the candy was made from a tree.  It was from a local farm that allowed people to tap the trees there.  It was great to see the little cousins enjoy the candy.  We had to cut some of them to allow for more pieces for people to try. 

I also brought along a gift for my brother-in-law who loves music.  I got him a speaker for him to play his music.  I thought it would be something he would like.  To be fully honest I had no idea what he would like or think about what I got him.  I know he likes music and sports.  I think he liked it well enough.  Brother was rather shy so it was hard to tell much of anything.  That was something I noticed a lot was people being too shy to talk to me or some hairdressers were very shy about their ability to fix my hair.  It's okay little brother, I don't mind, you can talk to me when you feel like it! I also gave him some s'more hot chocolate.  My husband told me that he has never heard of s'mores before so I brought little brother something with  s'mores in it.

Note to self:  Do not bring a drum that resembles a rattle, that just makes the person feel like you are calling them a baby.  Not what I wanted to say at all little brother.  I did bring him a drum from my state that were used for Native American music.  I thought it was a great gift because it was fun to play with, but in China, this kind of drum is for babies.  In USA we don't give this to a kid because the beads on each string will some off in the baby's mouth.  Cultural Difference! 

My mother-in-law got a stained glass item that had English on it saying I am honored to have her as my mother-in-law.  She loved it.  It had to be translated to her but she loved seeing it.   She put it by her bedside. She also got a bag from me.  It was a real name-brand bag, Coach. I made sure to get her a bag that wasn't red.  One of my Chinese friends told me that never give or buy a wallet in the color red because it is the color of fire and it would be like burning your money. 

My mother-in-law loved the bag I gave her.  That day she had told my husband and me about taking us to see where they sell fake bags.  It was funny because I gave her a real bag.  Later that day we went to see the fake bags.  My mother-in-law bragged to everyone how I gave her a real, a very REAL Coach bag.  She had to show off to the whole family and friends.  She was very happy.  If you are looking for a gift to give your future mother-in-law or another female, give her something name-brand thing like a bag. 

Grandma and Grandpa Sheng liked my gifts too. I gave them tea and mugs with my state's name and symbols on them.  In some readings I found that this has a bad cultural meaning in China.  My husband told them I made the mugs so it was more enjoyable than just a regular mug.  I also gave Grandma a hat.  She loved the hat.  One night we even danced with our hats on.  We both had similar style hats.  I had originally thought a red hat would work because it was her favorite color and in the USA, there is the red hat society.  This society is for elder women and they wear red hats and purple clothing.  My husband told me that red was for young women in China and that the purple hat that I also took alone would work for her.  I let her choose and she chose the purple one.  She was so cute.  I am glad to make Grandma happy.   Don't give someone a green hat (culturally meaning that the wearer's wife is cheating on him) and also don't give an elder a red hat because it is for a younger person.

Regardless of what you give, many people are thankful that you think of them. Here are tips:

1. Research what items are allowed in the country that you are traveling and the cultural understanding of gifts.  If you are traveling by air, you should wrap the gifts when you arrived, security needs to see what you have along for safety and customs. 
1. a) The weight of the gift should also be kept in mind.  
2. Remember that gifts are a kind way to show how you care for someone, this should be see in your gifts you give.  Rule of thumb is that if you would like it, they most likely will too.  
3. Seasons can help you also deiced what gift to give. Different times of the year allows different things to be given as gifts.  Flowers are great in the summer but not available in the winter months.  
4. How you give gifts can also be different.  In China, watching someone open a gift is rude whereas in the USA it is a normal thing. 

 

One of my gifts was making cookies, Grandpa Sheng loved these cookie bars.

What to pack?

What is necessary to pack when going to China in September and October? It all depends on how long your stay will be.  Everyone says to pack light and sometimes we don't listen.  I should have listen.  I over packed.  When you sit and think, what if I need this or that, your packing turns from light to too much.

Tip 1: Don't say what if.  Only pack needed items to pack.  If you can't lift your bags, repack it and put less in. 

Step 1:  Determine the time of your stay, the season and weather of the places you are staying, and the type of occasions you will be there for.  You should also do research on what clothing items would be appropriate.

When I went to China, I was going to cities close to Shanghai and the weather was warmer than what I am used to in Minnesota that time of year.  I asked Yu what the weather would be like and he said that it will get cold.  While I was there it went from 80 degrees to 60 degrees so having warmer clothes was a must.  Don't pack a lot of shorts and no sleeve shirts because you will hear "are you cold?" or "You should put more on."

Step 2: Look at the required limits of your luggage.  Each airline has different requirements such as size and weight.  Also take note of the number of luggage you can check too.  If you are on a budget make sure to keep your luggage within your fee budget.  Most airlines will let you check one or two bags for free.

Since this was my first trip out of the country and my first air travel trip, I did research on what type of luggage would hold up to travel abuse. I decided to use a hard case luggage with four wheels on them.  I ended up taking all three bags and a backpack.  This was not a good idea because it was very difficult to take those bags through the subway.  Keep that in mind when you are packing.  Transportation is a factor as well.  I also picked a color that was unique.  I wanted to be able to see it from far away so I can quickly get to my bags from the belt.

Travelers' Polo and Racquet 3 piece set.  28", 24", and 20"

I used the 20" as my carry on and I did find that there were troubles using such a bag because of space issues in the overhead compartment.  I noticed that people tend to not really follow the simple rules and that sometimes trying to fit the bag up there would be very difficult because it is a hard case. If I had not packed items that can break easily I would have checked it.  There are always good sides and bad sides to each bag you pick.
 

Tip 2: If you pack a carry-on bag, you might have to check it at the gate due to space issues.  No one has figured out how to solve this issue so that everyone can have a carry-on on the fight.  The boarding group will determine if you have the possibility of taking your bag on. If your group boards first then you have no problem.  If it boards last then you might not be able to take the bag with you. 

Step 3: Make a list of things to bring.  Include any gifts you my have to bring.  Keep in mind you should also have space for anything you want to take back with you.  Keep in mind that scales also differ so make sure it is under the weight limit by about a few pounds so that there is some wiggle room for difference in scales.

I packed too much.  I didn't use half of what I brought.  Even though I was packing for the what-ifs, I suggest packing less still.  You can always wash clothes.  In China, hand-washing clothes is very common.  A washing machine is not a common appliance in homes and apartments. Yu's apartment came with a washing machine but it was not hooked up to use, so hand-washing clothes and bedding was a must.  When I did find a washing machine, it was a little different and smaller than the ones in the USA.  I'm glad my mother-in-law showed me how to operate one because I do not read Chinese at all so it was nice to learn which knob to use.

At hotels if you find a place that has laundry service or the ability to use a machine that is great but you can always do laundry in the hotel by hand too.  I recommend if you are staying with someone, you should use their laundry soaps unless you have a skin condition or allergies to some soaps.  If you are staying at a hotel and you do not feel like buying soap when you get to China, take a little with you.  A little soap goes along way with washing clothes. 

My recommended packing list for a month's stay:

• Pants -- 3 or 4 pairs depending on your choice and occasion. 
• Dress -- 1 or 2 dresses 
• Shirts -- 3 or 4 
• 1 dressy 
• 1 long sleeve for colder nights (yes it can get cold)
• 1-2 short sleeve t-shirts
• Pajamas -- 1 or 2 pairs
• 1 warm weather pajamas
• 1 cold weather pajamas due to the change in temps. 
• Underwear --  4 or 5 (you do laundry often, almost every day ;) ) 
• Bras -- at least 3 (professional opinion because I do work at a bra shop).  You need at least three because you want to rest one bra, wear one bra, and then have one in the wash.  When you pack your bras do them carefully.  Unlined bras are much more easy to pack in your luggage. 
• Shoes -- 2 pairs  (Note: Do not pack white shoes)
• 1 dressy
• 1 casual 
• Socks -- 3 pairs 
• 2 Sweaters -- you will need them.  I have  heard many lectures of wearing the sweater even though it was 70 degrees out.  In Minnesota, that is spring weather and no need for a sweater.  Where I was in China the air is more damp and not as dry as where I am from.  My body was not used to it so I got sick.  
• 1 coat -- a "fall" coat or a sweatshirt thickness.
• Medications -- any prescriptions and over the counter medication including vitamins.  I would suggest a fiber supplement too.  (I forgot to bring fiber with me and I was constipated for the whole time. Celiac Disease makes it more difficult to find a fiber supplement)  Also note that you can buy some medications when you are there too. 
• Any personal care products -- lotion, soaps, tooth care can all be found in China.   What I noticed is that shaving cream and deodorant is not very common.  Yu didn't even know what they were. 
• Entertainment for the flight -- a book or electronic device. 
• Camera -- you won't regret taking this.
• Passport, ID, Medical papers, Papers of where you will stay and where you will be going. 
• Cash, cash, cash.  You hardly find places to use a credit card.  Cash is the main way to pay for things.  My $40 USD was not enough, as I thought taking a card was more safe.  No matter where you go, cash is a must.  

Tip 3: Know how to pack your bags to make it more efficient and organized.  

I went to China for meeting my future family and getting married.  I find that using the list above is a better and realistic list of things to pack.  It gives you variety in clothes.  I wore the same sweater most of the time.  My mother-in-law had me wear one of hers some of the time too.

If you have Celiac Disease, do not bring a lot of food with you.  Some snacks would be fine but don't worry too much.  There are many foods you can eat.  My husband was able to talk with the cooking staff and was able to find things for me to eat.  I could even eat at some fast food places, what a shocker mainly because I am unable to do that in the USA. 

Tip 4:  Take things that can double up.  If you can make a shirt be pajamas and a top to go out of the house in, then do that.  Love the double duty garments. 

Step 4:  Pack your bags in a way you know where things are.  Organizing is key.  Also keep space for things you buy when you are on your trip.  Always put a tag on your bag.  When you are at the airport they will give you a tag with a tracking number but you should also have your own tag too.  The airport I went to had some tags for you to put on your bag too but they were not the best quality.  You don't want to have them fall off.  Weigh your bag too.  Make sure the bag is less than the weight limit.

Tip 5:  You can bring a water bottle that is empty on the flight.  This is true in China as well.  When I was leaving China, they were going to take my bottle away and I told them it was empty so it was okay then.  Liquids are not allowed on the air craft when you get on.  The water bottle I took with me had a filter which was nice when I didn't want to boil water or buy bottled water (this is how water is made more clean).

Step 5: Enjoy your trip.  Don't keep repacking and unpacking and so forth.  You should relax after packing and remember why you are going on your trip. 

My Chinese Wedding

Professional wedding photos were taken before the wedding

We got to have different styles.  Sign is saying we will be a couple for 100 years!

My favorite photo.  This was very fun to take this one.

We took very traditional photos and fun photos too.

Yu and I had great fun trying to follow the photographer's orders.

This photo turned out very well. We look great in traditional Chinese wedding clothes.

The day of our Chinese wedding Celebration.  Yu decided he didn't want to wear traditional Chinese clothes.

We started the day very early.  Everyone loved to take photos with us.  I was able to meet more family and friends.  It was nice talking with everyone even though I didn't understand what people were saying.

We went from table to table to say "cheers" to everyone and to thank each person for coming.  Each guest gave us some advice for a long happy marriage and a long life together.

My new Chinese family!  I am so happy and blessed to be considered family.  I miss everyone so much.  I can't wait to come back and see everyone.

 My wedding in China had two parts to it.  There was part A where I went with Yu to the office to register for marriage on the 8th of October.  This took place at the capital, Nanjing.  After we registered for marriage it was time to continue to plan the wedding celebration that was held on the 18th of October.  In China, numbers have importance.  The number 8 is a very lucky number.  Any number that ends in 8 is also lucky. 

While I was helping with planning things (well, mainly just sitting there while my mother-in-law did most of the work), many people said to me that weddings in China are complicated.  From reading and researching about Chinese weddings I completely agree.  I went through a Chinese wedding and I still do not fully understand all that went on.  

The celebration on the 18th, from an American's perspective, would be considered multiple receptions due to the two banquets that are held.  On the 8th it was similar to the American ceremony with the vows given and acknowledge of marriage rights and all that jazz.  

On the 18th we got dressed up and everyone showed up to celebrate and congratulate us on getting married.  Yu said it was China's way of recognizing our marriage.  He said the 8th was legal way of recognizing we are married.  At the celebration we were greeted by fireworks and many family members coming to say hello.  Many small kids were around to say hello and to keep me company when the adults were talking to Yu.  I loved being able to be around the little kids.  They sure liked playing with the beads on my headdress I had on. 

Once we had everyone around and it was time to eat lunch we all got to our seats.  The meals were served on both floors of the house.  The living areas of the house were full of tables for the guests to sit at.  Each table had about 30 different types of dishes.  Each item had their own meanings and importance.  It was really cool to try things I never had before.  At one point in the meal Yu and I had to go to each guest and thank them for coming.  Yu's cousin, whom married earlier in the month, said if you don't eat quickly by the time you return to the table, you won't get much food.  It was nice of her to give me some tips. 

After the meal we had to go to our bedroom again to have tea to give us good luck and have a long marriage.  Then after the tea Yu's aunts helped put special bedding on the bed.  The bedding was in a big bundle and inside the bundle was some wedding treats that look like a cookie and some dried dates.  They were put in the bundle to grants us children early in the marriage.   Later that day we had a dinner that we had the same feast.

The following day we had another gathering to attend.  There was a total of 6 or 7 meals we had to celebrate our marriage.  In these meals there was protocol to follow to show respect to the hosts.  It was confusing to me at first but I was able to follow what others told me to do.

What traditions are you used to at weddings?  Have you experienced different traditions at weddings? It is always interesting to learn new things.  I know that I enjoyed every moment of my time with family in China. I can't wait to return again.

'Tis the Season to be Sick

Yu had to take photos to send to family in USA to tell them the doctor was helping me.

Working in retail in the USA makes it very difficult to have free time once the shop hits the holiday sales time.  The shop I work at started their holiday shopping season right after Halloween.  It has been so busy that people tend to lose sleep and then get sick.  We just finished the holiday seasonal shopping time in the USA and I am so glad too.  I have been getting sick left and right.

This made me reflect when I was sick in China. When I was in China, I had a bad cold.  When we were in Nantong, my husband said I should go to the hospital.  Since I think that a cold is no reason to go to the hospital I said I wouldn't go.  My cold got worse and my husband told me to rest after breakfast.   奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) checked on me before lunch and she began to be very worried.  She thought I had a high fever. The only reason I felt so warm to her was that I was under the big blankets people piled on top of me.

In China they believe that sweating out the cold is best. When we were in Wuxi, 舅媽 (Jiù mā [Aunt - uncle's wife]) let us barrow a foot bath machine that would heat the water.  I had to wrap up in blankets and soak my feet in very warm vinegar water. That is why I had to be under so many blankets in Nantong.

Once 奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) thought I had a bad fever she quickly yelled for 妈妈 (Māmā [Mom - my mother-in-law wanted me to call her this]) and my老公 ( lǎo gōng [husband]).  You could hear her yell for them as she left the house and went outside to the kitchen and then the fields.  老公 ( Lǎo gōng [husband]) came quickly to check on me.  He told me that he thinks I should go to the hospital and I told him no, it wasn't bad enough to go tot he hospital.  It was time for lunch as well so he helped me to the kitchen to get some food. The whole time in the kitchen I had 妈妈 (Māmā [Mom]) checking my fever using her hands on my forehead.  She would talk to 奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) about it.  Once I had enough of food I went back to bed.  老公 ( Lǎo gōng [husband]) told me that the doctor is coming to see me. He told me to be in the front bedroom.  

Once the doctor came he told everyone that I didn't have a fever.  Ha, I knew it but of course  奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) was convinced I had one.  She spent time praying to her gods.  She was so worried. 爷爷 (Yéyé [Grandpa]) was out working in the field with a friend or neighbor.  A neighbor granny came to check on me.  She was worried because she saw the doctor drive up to the house.  The doctor had given me medication through an IV. It was a different experience having a house-call from a doctor.  In the USA it is not very common to have a doctor come to the house.  The coat rack was used to hold up the IV liquids to help the flow of fluids.  After the doctor was done giving me the medication he put fluids on my IV.  After he left I was trying to rest.  The neighbor granny had a dog that came to check on me too.  He would come right up by the bed to tap my forehead with it's nose. 

After what seemed like a few minutes of sleep 爷爷 (Yéyé [Grandpa]) and his friend came to check on me.  He was happy to see color back into my face.  Once he knew I was doing well he went back out with his friend. 奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) came to see me and was so happy when she saw my face was more lively.  She gave me a good luck charm and 妈妈 (Māmā [Mom]) did too.  After feeling more alive I was able to go visit the other half of the family, 爸爸 (Bà ba [Dad]) and his family.


Everyone should try to stay healthy when it is cold and flu season.  Sometimes there are different ways to help people feel better, try them.  Also, sometimes it is better to see the doctor before your sickness gets out of hand, even if you don't think it is that bad.

Chinese words used today:

• 奶奶  -- Nǎinai  = Grandma
•  爷爷 -- Yéyé  = Grandpa
•  妈妈 -- Māmā  = Mom  (There is a special word for mother-in-law but mine wants me to call her mom and use this Chinese word -- always check to see which one is okay to use)
•  老公  -- Lǎo gōng = husband
•  舅媽  -- Jiù mā = Aunt - uncle's wife
•  爸爸  -- Bà ba  = Dad

First Day in China

My first day in China was an interesting experience.  I had never been on an airplane before.  After about 15 hours on the airplane I landed in Shanghai, China.  It was a bumpy ride because of the storm we were getting into.  When I landed there was a typhoon coming.  After following people to the area to get get registered for visiting the country and getting luggage, I followed others to the exit.  As I was pushing the cart full of my luggage I was able to see Yu standing at the area to greet people.  I noticed him right away.  He didn't think I did so he was waving his arms in the air and calling out my name.  Heehee.  He had been worried my flight wouldn't make it because of the typhoon.

I was tired, sick feeling, and too warm, but I was excited. I couldn't believe I was in China!

Yu and I took the subway that was connected to Pudong International Airport.  It was cool that it was connected so we didn't have to go outside in the rain.  I had no idea there was a storm.  We made our way through the subway with all my bags.  Yes I packed too much, so dumb and troublesome.  Tip:  Pack light even if you are packing for a plan B.  You need to pack light.  It was a work out to get things up and down the steps.  Some areas of the subway did not have or had a broken escalator. For those who have a handicap, like my mother, this is very difficult.  Some areas have service to elevators but some do not so you might run into some issues.

Yu needed to get his phone fixed so we didn't go to his place right away.  We went to a shopping center that was filled with all kinds of electronic shops. It was overwhelming.   I was overwhelmed with the amount of smoking, how warm it was around, and the many crowded walkways.  Another tip for those who need elevators:  Some places have barriers in front of the elevators which can make it a challenge.  Try to ask for assistance from someone as to where a more accessible elevator may be located. This particular shopping center had barriers in front of the elevators which was very strange.

After getting his phone fix, Yu said it was time to go home.  Finally, I get to go home.  I was tired from the travels to China and around town.  It was very dark outside and very stormy.  It was hard to get a taxi so it was back to the subway and then the train.  Once we got off the train we finally got a taxi.  So glad no one took the last taxi as I was heading down the steps. That happens in any busy town.

Once we got home Yu made me some food.  It was very kind of him to make me something to eat even though I didn't like it.  He ate the food for me and then took me outside for something else.  There was a break in the rain so we were able to walk without getting wet.  We found a small food stall to order a rice dish.  It was great but because I got sick on the airplane my body couldn't eat much.  On our way back Yu picked up some fruits  We got dragon fruit and figs.  I had never had these foods fresh.  I was excited to try.

Eating dragon fruit!  It was so humid outside that my hair freaked out. haha

That night Yu gave me my engagement ring.  He put it on the wrong hand at first.  It was fun trying to explain to him why it was put on the left hand. The Greeks believed that there was a vain that went straight to the heart on the left hand.  After taking a shower I was able to relax and feel better.  Have you ever been so sweaty and sticky that you felt gross?  That is how I felt most of the day.  I was able to feel refreshed after a nice shower. Yu's apartment was set up a little more compacted than I am used to.  The shower was in the same area as the toilet so don't leave toilet paper in the open because it will get wet and gross.

That night I feel asleep to the sound of thunder.  I do not like thunder.  Hearing thunder in a new place made it a little more scary.  I didn't hear it for long because I feel right to sleep.  This night was my first night in China.  I learned some new things about the culture and how to make the light for walking across the street, you have to rush, rush, rush to make the light, train, or subway.  It was a fast-rushing atmosphere that I was not used to.

Yu was so happy I was finally in China. 

Public Transportation

Public transportation is important to a lot of cities.  In China, there is a sophisticated system that has been developed in many cities. Buses, trains, taxis, subways, and other vehicles that I really do not know the names of.  I have never been on a subway before I went to Shanghai.  It was an interesting experience for me.  I learned quickly that in big cities, public transportation becomes very crowded which can be troublesome to those who are not used to it.  I felt overwhelmed at first but I soon felt more comfortable with it.

Subway ticket in Wuxi, China

What I learned about taking the subway and the train is to always keep your ticket.  Tickets could be a card, a paper ticket, or even a plastic token.  Do not lose your ticket because you will need it to exit the station once you are at the location you need to be.   Train tickets have valuable information and it is helpful to know some Chinese to fully understand what it says.  You can at least understand where you are going, the platform, the seat and car numbers, and the time the train will leave.

If you do not speak Chinese, most of the time I was able to know where my stop was due to the helpful voice on the loudspeaker translating the Chinese to English.  It was helpful to know where I was going though, Yu would sometimes not tell me where we were going (surprise dates were always fun), or would tell me and I got confused to the many stops that sound similar to it.

Yu had a special transportation paying card for Shanghai.  It was great to use the card to pay for the bus, train, subway, and the taxi rides.  I was so shocked that the card was able to pay for all that.  My metro card only pays for the bus and the light rail.  Yu kept saying, "See, China is better!"

I was able to ride a few time on these taxi-like vehicles that is like a cart and a tri-wheeled motorcycle in-one.  This kind of transportation was cheaper than a normal taxi cab.  It is usually under $1 USD per person.  It was a great way to travel the around town. I had never been in one before nor have I seen them where I have lived or visited in the USA.

In the motorcycle taxi.

The train was the main rail transportation where you are likely to have a seat.  There was times in Shanghai when we were unable to find a seat.  In the subway most of the time in busy cities you are not going to find a seat unless it is in part of the town that is not so popular. Some lines was not as busy as others.  It was great that all the cities we were going were connected in some way with transpiration.  

The train ride to Nanjing.

Culture Shock

Shanghai, China

Hello, I am back in the USA.   It feels good to be back to catch up with people and get back to work but I also feel sad because my husband is in China right now.  We are hoping he will be able to come to the USA soon.

My trip to China was great.  I learned so much and hope to share what I have learned with you.  My travels was in four cities in China.  I was able to visit Shanghai, Wuxi, Nanjing, and Nantong.  These places were great to visit.  I loved seeing family and friends when I was there.

I am shocked at how comfortable I was in China.  My thoughts before I went to China was that I would feel lost without knowing the language or get physically lost among all the people.  Once I got there, I felt better about being there.  When I was in Shanghai there were so many people in the subway that it was a little worrisome of how to enter or exit the subway car.

Something that shocked me was the different culture about environment upkeep.  It was acceptable to throw trash on the ground, other than in areas that have signs posted.  This shocked me since the place I live in the USA where there has been a more successful movement of keeping the Earth clean from litter. My husband was always wondering why I would yell at him every time he would throw trash on the ground.  He was shocked at how much trouble you could get into in USA.

Smoking is very common in China.  Expect to always be around smoking unless you are taking public transportation.  Public transportation, more often than not, will have signs that say "NO SMOKING"  and sometimes where would be videos of what is acceptable to do on transit. When you are walking down the street, some shops, and going out to eat are common places to find people smoking.  At my wedding cigarettes were handed out as part of the celebration.  It was hard for me to be around so much smoke.  There were many times where I had to excuse myself to get some fresh and cleaner air.  I have breathing problems because of my asthma and smoke is a trigger for my asthma attacks, so I was always prepared with my asthma medication.

Those were the top few things I had difficulty with at first.  As my stay continued I learned more about Chinese culture and some beliefs my Chinese family holds.  It mainly felt natural and normal, I didn't have much shock really.

Has anyone experienced culture shock before when you traveled or even where you live?

When I came back to the USA I had a little trouble getting used to the culture here.  Things were just a little different since I had became accustomed to China.  Food was one thing that I had a hard time to get used to again in the USA.  I still miss Chinese food, good homemade foods from China.

Foods to cook at the BBQ restaurant.