First Day in China

My first day in China was an interesting experience.  I had never been on an airplane before.  After about 15 hours on the airplane I landed in Shanghai, China.  It was a bumpy ride because of the storm we were getting into.  When I landed there was a typhoon coming.  After following people to the area to get get registered for visiting the country and getting luggage, I followed others to the exit.  As I was pushing the cart full of my luggage I was able to see Yu standing at the area to greet people.  I noticed him right away.  He didn't think I did so he was waving his arms in the air and calling out my name.  Heehee.  He had been worried my flight wouldn't make it because of the typhoon.

I was tired, sick feeling, and too warm, but I was excited. I couldn't believe I was in China!

Yu and I took the subway that was connected to Pudong International Airport.  It was cool that it was connected so we didn't have to go outside in the rain.  I had no idea there was a storm.  We made our way through the subway with all my bags.  Yes I packed too much, so dumb and troublesome.  Tip:  Pack light even if you are packing for a plan B.  You need to pack light.  It was a work out to get things up and down the steps.  Some areas of the subway did not have or had a broken escalator. For those who have a handicap, like my mother, this is very difficult.  Some areas have service to elevators but some do not so you might run into some issues.

Yu needed to get his phone fixed so we didn't go to his place right away.  We went to a shopping center that was filled with all kinds of electronic shops. It was overwhelming.   I was overwhelmed with the amount of smoking, how warm it was around, and the many crowded walkways.  Another tip for those who need elevators:  Some places have barriers in front of the elevators which can make it a challenge.  Try to ask for assistance from someone as to where a more accessible elevator may be located. This particular shopping center had barriers in front of the elevators which was very strange.

After getting his phone fix, Yu said it was time to go home.  Finally, I get to go home.  I was tired from the travels to China and around town.  It was very dark outside and very stormy.  It was hard to get a taxi so it was back to the subway and then the train.  Once we got off the train we finally got a taxi.  So glad no one took the last taxi as I was heading down the steps. That happens in any busy town.

Once we got home Yu made me some food.  It was very kind of him to make me something to eat even though I didn't like it.  He ate the food for me and then took me outside for something else.  There was a break in the rain so we were able to walk without getting wet.  We found a small food stall to order a rice dish.  It was great but because I got sick on the airplane my body couldn't eat much.  On our way back Yu picked up some fruits  We got dragon fruit and figs.  I had never had these foods fresh.  I was excited to try.

Eating dragon fruit!  It was so humid outside that my hair freaked out. haha

That night Yu gave me my engagement ring.  He put it on the wrong hand at first.  It was fun trying to explain to him why it was put on the left hand. The Greeks believed that there was a vain that went straight to the heart on the left hand.  After taking a shower I was able to relax and feel better.  Have you ever been so sweaty and sticky that you felt gross?  That is how I felt most of the day.  I was able to feel refreshed after a nice shower. Yu's apartment was set up a little more compacted than I am used to.  The shower was in the same area as the toilet so don't leave toilet paper in the open because it will get wet and gross.

That night I feel asleep to the sound of thunder.  I do not like thunder.  Hearing thunder in a new place made it a little more scary.  I didn't hear it for long because I feel right to sleep.  This night was my first night in China.  I learned some new things about the culture and how to make the light for walking across the street, you have to rush, rush, rush to make the light, train, or subway.  It was a fast-rushing atmosphere that I was not used to.

Yu was so happy I was finally in China. 

Public Transportation

Public transportation is important to a lot of cities.  In China, there is a sophisticated system that has been developed in many cities. Buses, trains, taxis, subways, and other vehicles that I really do not know the names of.  I have never been on a subway before I went to Shanghai.  It was an interesting experience for me.  I learned quickly that in big cities, public transportation becomes very crowded which can be troublesome to those who are not used to it.  I felt overwhelmed at first but I soon felt more comfortable with it.

Subway ticket in Wuxi, China

What I learned about taking the subway and the train is to always keep your ticket.  Tickets could be a card, a paper ticket, or even a plastic token.  Do not lose your ticket because you will need it to exit the station once you are at the location you need to be.   Train tickets have valuable information and it is helpful to know some Chinese to fully understand what it says.  You can at least understand where you are going, the platform, the seat and car numbers, and the time the train will leave.

If you do not speak Chinese, most of the time I was able to know where my stop was due to the helpful voice on the loudspeaker translating the Chinese to English.  It was helpful to know where I was going though, Yu would sometimes not tell me where we were going (surprise dates were always fun), or would tell me and I got confused to the many stops that sound similar to it.

Yu had a special transportation paying card for Shanghai.  It was great to use the card to pay for the bus, train, subway, and the taxi rides.  I was so shocked that the card was able to pay for all that.  My metro card only pays for the bus and the light rail.  Yu kept saying, "See, China is better!"

I was able to ride a few time on these taxi-like vehicles that is like a cart and a tri-wheeled motorcycle in-one.  This kind of transportation was cheaper than a normal taxi cab.  It is usually under $1 USD per person.  It was a great way to travel the around town. I had never been in one before nor have I seen them where I have lived or visited in the USA.

In the motorcycle taxi.

The train was the main rail transportation where you are likely to have a seat.  There was times in Shanghai when we were unable to find a seat.  In the subway most of the time in busy cities you are not going to find a seat unless it is in part of the town that is not so popular. Some lines was not as busy as others.  It was great that all the cities we were going were connected in some way with transpiration.  

The train ride to Nanjing.

Culture Shock

Shanghai, China

Hello, I am back in the USA.   It feels good to be back to catch up with people and get back to work but I also feel sad because my husband is in China right now.  We are hoping he will be able to come to the USA soon.

My trip to China was great.  I learned so much and hope to share what I have learned with you.  My travels was in four cities in China.  I was able to visit Shanghai, Wuxi, Nanjing, and Nantong.  These places were great to visit.  I loved seeing family and friends when I was there.

I am shocked at how comfortable I was in China.  My thoughts before I went to China was that I would feel lost without knowing the language or get physically lost among all the people.  Once I got there, I felt better about being there.  When I was in Shanghai there were so many people in the subway that it was a little worrisome of how to enter or exit the subway car.

Something that shocked me was the different culture about environment upkeep.  It was acceptable to throw trash on the ground, other than in areas that have signs posted.  This shocked me since the place I live in the USA where there has been a more successful movement of keeping the Earth clean from litter. My husband was always wondering why I would yell at him every time he would throw trash on the ground.  He was shocked at how much trouble you could get into in USA.

Smoking is very common in China.  Expect to always be around smoking unless you are taking public transportation.  Public transportation, more often than not, will have signs that say "NO SMOKING"  and sometimes where would be videos of what is acceptable to do on transit. When you are walking down the street, some shops, and going out to eat are common places to find people smoking.  At my wedding cigarettes were handed out as part of the celebration.  It was hard for me to be around so much smoke.  There were many times where I had to excuse myself to get some fresh and cleaner air.  I have breathing problems because of my asthma and smoke is a trigger for my asthma attacks, so I was always prepared with my asthma medication.

Those were the top few things I had difficulty with at first.  As my stay continued I learned more about Chinese culture and some beliefs my Chinese family holds.  It mainly felt natural and normal, I didn't have much shock really.

Has anyone experienced culture shock before when you traveled or even where you live?

When I came back to the USA I had a little trouble getting used to the culture here.  Things were just a little different since I had became accustomed to China.  Food was one thing that I had a hard time to get used to again in the USA.  I still miss Chinese food, good homemade foods from China.

Foods to cook at the BBQ restaurant. 

Travel Documents Part 2: Chinese Visa

I have done a lot of research on how to apply for my Chinese visa.  At first I have been a little worried about the process but I was able to get information from a few different visa services and from the Chinese Consulate.  The consulate that has jurisdiction over mine region is located in Chicago.  Make sure you read carefully on your consulate's website for the information regarding the steps in applying for the visa.  The consulate in Chicago does not accept mailed in applications.

What do you do then?!?

I thought I would have to travel all the way to Chicago just to take it in person to hand it in.  So here I was trying to plan another trip just to go to Chicago before going to China.  Just when was I going to do that?  After working two jobs for seven days straight, it leaves less time off considering every day is twelve hours long, and asking for time off is nearly impossible.  I wanted to take days off for going to China not going to Chicago (no offense Chicago loving people).

I had looked at visa services before and I was always leery on sending my passport to another person.  It took forever to get my passport, I don't want to part with it!  With knowing the cost of the trip to Chicago would be more than some of these visa services would cost, I decided to do more research.

~The Researcher~

To the research lab we go! [Batman music playing the background]

Researching your options is very important. I found some sites for visa services are better than others.  Look at what people are saying about the site and/or business.  Also look at the Better Business Bureau (BBB) reviews on the service too.  The site I had originally planned to use did not answer any emailed questions I had, there were mixed reviews from users, and the BBB gave it an "f" rating.  I decided on a different visa service.  This visa service I decided to go with had great reviews and the BBB gave it an "A+" rating.

What do you need to apply?

You need to look at what your consulate requires.  Some locations require more but most require the same thing.  Click here for a detailed list of the types of visas you can apply for.  You need your passport for applying for your visa.  You also need a photo.  I went to get my photo taken at the local UPS shop.  I got two photos for the price of one; one for my passport and the other for my visa.

Next you need to fill out a form to apply. Click here for the visa application.  If you don't read Chinese, do not worry, there are English translations on the form too. Make sure to not leave any blanks.  If you don't have an answer to a question or it doesn't apply to you, use N/A to indicate that.  Remember, all forms much be typed.  Access to a computer and printer is important here.  If you don't have one, go to the library to be able to use the printing.  If you can't figure it out, ask the library staff for help.  They are there to help you, just remember to be nice to them. 

You will need to send your passport, a copy of your passport and/or identification as well as a form of proof you are going to China.  This proof could be a copy of itinerary for the airline tickets, hotel reservations, a list of places from the tour group you are using, and even an invite letter.  I sent the invitation letter Yu sent me and I also included my airline itinerary.   If you are going to have an invitation letter, you will need to check with your Chinese Consulate to make sure you meet the requirements.

You used a visa service, what one did you use?

I used CVSC.  This service was great.  At the research lab, I was able to see the BBB's rating on this business and I was able to figure out that this service was very good.  The BBB gave the CVSC an A+ rating.  This made me feel a lot better about sending my items there.  The CVSC sent me messages when they received my application and when they sent it to the Consulate.  They also gave me more messages when they got it back from the Consulate, when my application was approved, and when they sent me my items back.  The fact that they did that gave me peace of mine.  Considering the amount of hours I work, I am glad I was able to depend on someone else for help with the process.  I was surprised at how quickly I got my items back.  I thought it was going to take longer.



It is really cool to get a ten year visa with multiple entries.  You don't have to use a service if you don't want to.  I did because it was easier for me.  Hope everyone who is applying can research their options and find something that works for them.  What did you used to apply for your visa?  How was your experience?

Next on the list: Proof of Single Status

Travel Documents Part 1: Passport

Got my passport in the mail.  Yu was happy to find out too.

Every place you go outside of your home country will require some form of documentation when traveling.  For my trip to visit Yu, I will need some travel documents.  I will need a passport and a Chinese visa.  I have never had a passport before so I was looking forward to doing something new.  I was able to fill out my forms online to submit my application at the local passport office.

I am sure most people can apply without issues of needing more information to prove who they are.  I was unlucky.  I had to send a lot more information that were five or more years old.  It was a bit frustrating to be honest because these were not expressed to me before I applied. It took a long time for them to notify me that more information was needed then it took even more time to get my passport. Yu was getting worried about it, which made me more anxious about it.

Based on my experience, make sure you allow a lot of time.  It took about two and a half months for me to get my passport which is longer than the four to six weeks that is said to be the processing time.  Make sure to also give enough time for any technological and other problems that the processing office may have.  During my processing of my application there were a lot of issues with technology problems. 

If you are applying for a USA passport, click here to learn more about applying for one.  It was helpful to use their online resources to help calculate the cost as well. Their online forms help fill in the information in the form for you too so it was very easy to fill it out.  Take your time and print it off for the application to be given to the local passport office. 

What is next on the list?

1. Doctor visit for travel and getting medical papers
2. Chinese Visa
3. Single Proof Certificate for marriage registration in China 

Airplane Ticket and My Future Mother-in-Law

My first time buying an airplane ticket to another country, to anywhere for that matter.  The closest I have been to an airplane was years ago.  I was little and I would watch the plane take off with my father on-board on his way to business trips.  The thought of being on an aircraft is both exciting and scary at the same time.  The unknown is scary but it is what you do with your fear that makes you brave.

Traveling over 7,000 miles will give me a lot of experience being on an aircraft.  I've been doing a lot of readings on what to do on long flights and I have an idea of what can keep be occupied.  I also have done readings on what to expect for international travels. 

Booking my ticket:

My friend GA told me to keep looking and to sign up to get notifications.  GA has done a lot of travel so I took his advice, although I did not sign up to be notified.  I kept checking month after month for any change.  I was able to find a great price for a round trip ticket.  Thanks to Expedia, it was easy to find a low price and it was easy to book a flight.

I always thought it was going to be more difficult to book a flight but it was a lot easier.  I even signed up for a special miles reward program with the airlines I will be using.  All I have to do now is to get my paperwork and travel documents together.

My future mother-in-law:

My future mother-in-law is so happy to hear I'm coming.  She is very excited and is counting down the days.  She is so kind to me.  She keeps telling Yu to keep asking when I am going to get there.  She is so excited that it makes me even more excited about going to see her.  She was so filled with joy when she found out I booked my flight.

Today I talked with her though video chat.  Yu helped translate because of my poor Chinese and her poor English.  She misses me so much.  I miss her too.  She is always so nice to me and always wanting to help if people are sick.  Today she told me that she misses me so much and that I will see her very soon.  She kept telling Yu to give me the family ring.  The ring is very dear to her.  It was passed down from generation to generation.  In American culture, we have similar traditions.  I think it is a great honor she wants me to have it.

My future mother-in-law is wanting to teach me how to cook Chinese food, not the Americanized way.  I am looking forward to it.  She also wants to help me learn Chinese.  "Keep learning!" she says to me always.

I feel like our relationship is much better than it was when I first started to date Yu.  At first she didn't like the idea of her son dating an American girl.  She had no idea about me and who I was as a person.  I was so nervous about meeting her the first time.  I received her approval which made me so happy.

In Chinese culture there are expectations on men to be deemed as date-able, you have to have a house, a car, money, and a good paying job.  Yu's mom thought that if Chinese have this expectation that the Americans will have a higher expectation.  Owning a house, a car, and having money to burn is very difficult for anyone  and in China it is even more difficult due to work and higher taxes.  Essentially it is cheaper in the USA than in China.

She was so shocked that my expectations  were different than the norm in China.  I expect Yu to respect me, love me, and show effort in a life with me.  She was happy to know I accept her son the way he is. 

My future mother-in-law kept telling her friends and other people in her life that her son's American girlfriend is coming to visit  and will marry her son.  I am so happy to be able to see her very soon.

The train.  When I go to see my mother-in-law I will get to go on the train to her city.

My Love Life: Facing Discrimination

Yu busy at work making sure workers are safe.

"Yes, for the last time, my future husband is Asian.  He is a Chinese citizen."  As soon as people hear that, all kinds of questions arise.  Where did you meet him, why an Asian guy, is it true what they say about 'them,' and so on.  The list of ridiculous questions grows so fast it is hard to keep track.  With all the prejudice still in society within the social structure of our culture, in the USA, intercultural and international relationships are put through the ringer.  I am in a long distance relationship and the internet has helped our relationship grow.  This kind of relationship has brought discrimination too.

He's an Asian man from China

Many times people are surprised and sometimes offended when they find out that I am going to marry a man from China.  I get people who ask how long he has been in China (thinking that he is just there on business), but once they find out he lived there all his life, I get the open-eyed, mouth agape stare.  People automatically think I will be with a white man (stupid stereotypes).

Lately people have been more supportive in comparison to when I first started to date Yu.  There are still people out there, though, that are determined to make it difficult.  Recently someone communicated their "concern" about Yu's intentions in regards to dating and marrying me.  These concerns were a cover up to discriminatory actions and words.  A lot of the time, most people assume he is just looking for a green card.  That could be true with some people but with Yu it is different.  He doesn't care if he gets one or not.  He only cares about being around me.  He doesn't want to leave my side like any loving boyfriend, fiance, and husband would feel.

We could live in China or in the USA, as long as we are together, that's all that matters.  We are hoping to live together in the USA because of the workers' rights, higher pay opportunities, clean air, and less population.  It took a lot of convincing Yu to try to come to the USA. 

We all have fear of new places.  I am slightly scared of going to China because I have never been there before and have never traveled before.  I know that Yu will take good care of me and will look out for me.  English is spoken more than I first thought, so I know that I won't be completely lost.  Yu tells me more of his fear of going to the USA is from the expectation that men have to be providers for their families.  He is worried about finding work which is a common worry no matter your location.

Why are you marring him?

I am marring a respectable man who has shown me he loves me.  I really don't understand why people question why.  Maybe it is linked to assumptions made about Asian men and how they treat women.  Yu was brought up with morals and a sense of family.  Family is important in most Asian cultures.  A lot of Asian guys have a sense of responsibility to their families, jobs, and other aspects in life.

I took a class in college about relationships.  One of the assignments was to make a list of traits that you are looking for in a relationship partner.  My list is as follows:

1. Respect and loves me for who I am-- At that time, I was dealing with an abusive boyfriend and a creepy stalker.  These men did not respect me or love me.  This was important to me and should be for any woman. This point made me continue to try to define and recognize respect and love.

•  Yu does meet this point.  He respects me so much that it was hard to believe it to be true at first.  In his culture young adults date to marry.  He respected me so much that he talked about how he takes dating serious.  He loves me more than my past relationships.  He was with me through hard times with my brain tumor.  I was really sick and he was always there to comfort me when I was scared.  He was brave for me but I knew he was very worried.  He broke down one day because he was so worried I was going to die.

2. Someone to take care of me -- At this time I was taking care of so many people that I lacked time to take care of myself. My boyfriend at the time was demanding of me to take care of him but never took any effort to help me or assist me in anything.  He didn't want to be bothered by me.  To take care of someone stems from love because it is an act of love.

• Yes, Yu does this.  In the past point, Yu helped take care of me when I was sick.  Even though were were so far way from each other (over 7,000 miles), he took care of me the best he could.  I have full faith in him following through with his view of being responsible for my well being.  He is protective of me which is something that I love about him. 

3. Someone I enjoy being around and I can be myself around them -- My ex boyfriend was more controlling and anything I said or did could tip the scales and make him mad.  Abusive relationships makes things uncomfortable and unnatural.   It was important for me to find someone I can be natural around. 

• Yu is great to be around.  I feel like I can be myself without any controlling or demands.  Yu doesn't want to change me.  He always tells me to be myself.  I enjoy out dates together.  No matter what I talk about with him, I do not feel judged.  This is important in a relationship.

So why am I marrying Yu?  I love Yu and I know he loves me too. Race as nothing to do with it.  The people whom think that there is something wrong with marring outside of the classification of race needs to really wake up and understand people are people. 

Truth about Asian men

Asian men are human.  Humans have a verity of traits. Race or nationality does not have any coloration with these traits.  Asian men are no different than other men in regards to physical traits, cultural traits differ due to many cultural aspects of the world.  This verity is common in any people group. 

Yu sent me a creative message while he was at work.

So tired of people telling me I shouldn't go to China to marry my fiance.  Yu is a nice guy and deserves the utmost respect.  Assumptions can hurt people, tactless words can hurt too.  Get all the facts before making judgments and confronting people based on lies and false beliefs.  Do not just make things more difficult for others or spew your hateful comments and discrimination. Love doesn't know boarders or nationalities. Love knows love and that is what matters most.  I love Yu and he loves me.

How to Make a Ring Bearer Pillow

I am a do-it-yourself kind of person.  From one of my work places I have noticed that ring bearer pillows tend to be more expensive, so I decided to make my own.  I figured out a way to use what I have to make a pillow for my wedding for under $1 USD. Getting materials, if you do not have any on hand, will be more than a dollar depending on what materials you choose to use. 

First you have to figure out what kind of pillow you want to make.  I decided to make a square pillow with my wedding colors and some symbols that mean something in the Chinese culture.  I decided I wanted red and yellow/gold and that I wanted to put a dragon and phoenix on the pillow. These two animals are symbols of a couple, they are lovers, in the Chinese culture. 

Start somewhere in your work. I started at the tail.

I then went to the wing

Nice thing about the paper, it can be easily removed.

On to the dragon.

Adding beads to make the image shine.

The lucky knot I made.  Took time to get it right.

The final results

Materials:

1. Fabric -- I used yellow-gold felt that I had already
2. Thread in the color or colors you intend to do embroidery with
3. Beads and notions for decorating the pillow
4. Wide ribbon
5. Cording or thinner ribbon
6. Fiber fill
7. Scratch paper for pattern making
8. Pencil or pen
9. Pins
10. Needles -- I used two different ones because of the small beads I used. 

Steps:

1. First you need to decide the shape of the pillow and the size.  I used paper from my recycling bin.  I measured out an even square to cut out and pinned down to two felt sheets. Then cut out the shape.  
2. I drew out the image of a phoenix and a dragon based on some images I have seen online.  I used my sketches as a guide.  I cut out the paper and placed them down to decided on placement.  I then pinned them down on one piece of fabric. 
3. This is the step when you start embroidery with the color of thread of your choosing.  I was able to  have red thread around the house so I was good to go.  I started at the top of the tail and worked my way down.  I stitched along guide lines that I made in my sketch,  These lines are great for details and can be used for a guide for beads later.  Try to get the thread even and untwisted so it will lay flat.  This will make the work look neat and clean.  
4. After embroidery, it is time to add beads and details to your work. I used glass seed beads that I had from other crafts.  The beads I picked were red, gold, yellow, and three black beads for the eyes. 
5. Once your embroidery and bead work is done, you are ready to add cording or ribbon to the center that will hold the rings.  I decided to follow steps, I found online on YouTube, to tie a Chinese lucky knot to decorate the center more.  I used nylon cording.  I burned the ends to prevent fraying. I secured the knot with thread.  
6. It is now time to sew up the pillow. Aline the right-sides together.  Make sure your wide ribbon is between the right sides.  This will allow the ribbon to be on the backside of the finished pillow so it can be easily held.  Stitch along the edges allowing an opening so you can stuff the pillow.  
7. Once the sides are sewn you need to turn the pillow right-sides out.  This allows you to stuff the pillow with fiber fill. Once the pillow is stuffed, it is time to finish sewing the opening.  
8. Once the opening is closed you can be done or you can put a stitch in the center to add more flair. 

Following Dreams

Ever since I was little I was told I could be anything I wanted to be.  Most kids wanted to be doctors, actors, or someone very famous like the President of the United States.  When I was a kid, I wanted to be a bird so I can travel to new lands.  Since I couldn't be a bird I decided to become a writer.  Lately I have come back to my writing projects and have enjoyed my writing again.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes."
 --Disney's Cinderella

Sometimes it takes time to follow your dreams.  My dream of being an author will take a lot of time and courage.  I have to not forget my wish.  I would love to share my stories with others.  This is something that I find fulfilling in life.  Sharing stories is like sharing part of my heart or my voice.  It makes it powerful to be able to express myself.  I believe everyone has a story to tell and everyone can express that.  It could be different for each person.  Some people express themselves through dance, music, art, sports, and much more.  It just takes time to find the right outlet to use.


Recently one of my friends is following his dream of songwriting and singing.  I am so proud of him.  He is entering a contest for singer/songwriters.  You should check out his video here.  He has always been very musical and I am so happy he decided to continue his dream. Good luck Ku!

It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to your dreams.  Take courage to follow your dreams, no matter what it is or where it is.  It may seem far off but if you keep at it, you can reach your goal.  Just keep telling yourself you can do it.  

For me:

Shanghai

I have finished my first book, only the draft, and I started the second one. It is slow but I keep telling myself that one day I will make it.  As for my dream from when I was a little girl, I will get to visit China soon.  I am excited for my upcoming trip.  I get to see a few different cities in China so it will be very exciting. I may not have turned into a bird, but I can travel using an aircraft.

What are your dreams? Have you followed them lately?  

 

 

Family Time and Long Distance Relationships

Clearing up Confusion and Misunderstandings

Recently there has been confusion within my extended family about Yu.  He tries his hardest to use English well but he is just learning.  So my family misunderstood what he had said. It is common with multilingual relationships.  I do not speak Chinese, just learning too, so this makes it even more difficult to communicate sometimes.

Over the weekend we had a family gathering and I "brought" Yu along!  More like bring a phone and video calling him so people can meet him.  It got me thinking that maybe the confusion was also that they have not seen him, other than one of my younger cousins and my grandmother.  So I had my family, who were there, say hello to him.  The poor network connection made it tricky at times but it seemed like it worked well.

Yu was overwhelmed with so many people, how fast they were talking, and so many names.  He knows faces but not their names.  It is understandable and I think that my family understands too. Yu was happy to finally meet some of the family and can't wait to meet them in person.

Party Time!

Cousin Emily showing her gift from us.  Yu was happy I found some things in Chinese here in the USA.  I even practiced my Chinese characters on her birthday card.  To make it even better my mom and I were able to sing to her in Chinese.  

It was not too long after meeting everyone, Yu had to go to bed.  It was midnight, his time.  He was sleepy but he wanted to stay up to say hello to everyone. It made me proud of his commitment to greet everyone.  I told him he had to sleep because he had to go to work the next day.

After sending Yu to bed, it was time for the celebration to begin.  My younger cousin was celebrating her 15th birthday. I was able to record her party for Yu to watch later  He really wanted to be there to celebrate with others. I think he would have enjoyed playing games with everyone.  My youngest cousin was just learning how to read so he was on my team while we were playing Apples to Apples. ~We won second place!~

Long Distance Relationships

This kind of relationship is hard, not being able to be there in person is difficult.  Yu wanted so much to be with my family that I could tell that he was willing to stay up so late to video with them.  He asked what would be good for him to say and was particular to try his best to make a good impression to them.

I used to think long distance relationships could not work out.  Since dating Yu I have realized distance is nothing in a relationship.  Here is what I mean:

1. Distance does not lessen how much a person loves you.  The distance between two mature people has no correlation between the amount of love each person has for the other.  With that in mind, it leads us to the second point of trust.  Trust is involved in relationships and is needed in a long distance relationships. 

2. Trust is key to the relationship.  More trust in the other person is needed for a long distance relationship.  To any relationship, trust is needed.  No matter the distance, if you lack trust in the person, your relationship will fall apart very easily.  Long distance relationships will take a lot of trust and will test your trust in the other person.  I know that I have learned a lot about myself and my trust levels.  This leads right into the next point.

3. Understanding and commitment to understanding the other person is important in long distance relationships.  My relationship with Yu requires understanding.  We have a language barrier, time difference, and cultural differences that need a lot of understandings so there is no confusion and misinterpretations. This is part of caring for another person.  In a true relationship, it takes work to understand the other person.  It is no different in a long distance relationship.  My relationship with Yu showed me how much understanding I really do have.

4.  Caring for someone takes time and effort.  Most long distance relationships that do not work out is lacking the care and the effort it takes to keep it going.  That means that the time could have been cut short because of distrust, disloyalty, and other reasons, but deep down someone gave up.  This happens in normal relationships too.  Everything is heightened in a long distance relationship though. 

SO can long distance relationships work?

Sure they can.  It just takes more effort and time to care enough to keep the relationship and have understanding for one another and trust in each other.  Love can actually get stronger.  I have felt more love from Yu than I did in any of my other relationships that were not long distance.

Have anyone experienced a successful long distance relationship or a failed one?  How has it changed you?

Building a New House?

Yu's home when he visited for New Years

"Your mom is doing what?!" I expressed my shock as to what Yu had just said.  His mom was demolishing their house to rebuild a new one.  Yu explained that it is because I will be coming soon and his mom is preparing for our marriage.  At first I did not understand this but as time went by I was able to understand more.  It is a cultural view I was not used to.

In China, there is  expectations that some people hold for those whom are dating and those who will potentially get married.  These expectations are having a home, a car, a good paying job, and many other aspects.  Some may think that these expectations are materialistic or unreasonable but there is meaning to these things.  There is a sense of financial security within the relationship.  Within the Chinese culture, men are seen as providers.  Throughout history in many countries men were providers and had to prove that they can provide for a woman.  Now-a-days China is more opened to many different views but there is still a belief that men are providers.

So why is my future mother-in-law busy with rebuilding a house?  Within her view, a house means a home.  Her son is getting married and must be a provider for his wife.  She wants him to keep face to show that he can give me a home to live.  It shows that there is thought about the future. She wants to make enough room for me and our future family.  Even though we do plan to live in the USA, Yu said that it is still part of the cultural expectation in the area that he lives. 

During the Spring Festival, also known as Chinese New Year, Yu was able to go to see this new house.  He said that it was very big.  He was able to show me some of the house.  His mom had him show me around with a video.  She was so happy to be able to show me the house that was built.  She also wanted me to see her new kitchen and see the food she was making for the celebration of New Years. 

团圆 (tuán yuán) is a tofu ball soup that is commonly served at many family celebrations

This is sure a cultural difference that is hard to understand.  I know that my family is still confused by the whole thing.  My family at first was worried about what Yu will expect when he comes here.  Yu understands the cultural difference and the expectation is different.  He wants to show that he is a proper gentlemen who is reliable, respectable, and honorable.

What have you seen that is required for men and/or women within your culture?

Happy Chinese New Year! 恭禧發財!

The Spring Festival or Chinese New Year is coming up on February 19th this year.  Each year there is a different member of the Chinese Zodiac that represents the year. There are twelve animals that are recognized in the Zodiac.  Last year, 2014, was the year of the horse.  This year, 2015, is the year of the sheep.  Next year, 2016, will be the year of the monkey.  The sheep is a symbol of cleverness, kindness, and tenderness.

Many people wonder why it is not on the first of January like many new year celebrations, it is because in China they also use the lunar calendar.  Throughout China's history, the lunar calendar had been used and is still used today.  The Gregorian calendar (the calendar the USA is accustomed to) was only adopted in China around 1949. 

Traditionally colors have been very important in many celebrations no matter the culture, China is no different.  In China, red and gold are very important in many celebrations because they have special meaning behind them.  Red represents prosperity, good luck, happiness, beauty, and even joy.  Gold or yellow is not only represents royalty but it also means wealth, happiness, and good luck.  These two colors are very common in many celebrations like weddings but they are also part of the new year celebration.

The Chinese lantern originates from the  Western Han Dynasty more than 1800 years ago.  During the annual Lantern Festival, people would hang lanterns that were red.  These red lanterns signifies reunion and builds a joyful atmosphere.  These red lanterns are hung up for many festivals and celebrations in China and have become very symbolic.

The cover of the greeting card.

Greeting cards are a nice way to send good wishes to friends and family.  In the USA, you can find many cards for this celebration.  I was able to find one to send to Yu and his family.  I am so happy to be able to send my soon to be in-laws best wishes for the new year as well as my fiance, Yu!

The card I was able to pick up was from Hallmark.  They have a nice selection of greeting cards with many different sayings.  I picked up a red card that has the sheep image on it.  On the top right corner there is Chinese with the translation of, "Auspiciousness and good luck."  The bottom left Chinese has the translation of, "Wishing you success and a bright future."

The inside of the greeting card.

Inside the card has a wonderful design and more Chinese.  The translation of the inside says, "Auspiciousness will come with discarding the Year of the Horse and ringing in the Year of the Sheep. Wishing you and your family good luck and a very happy New Year."

People do not only give people greeting cards to wish people well for the new year, they give special gifts.  These gifts are presented in red envelopes or packets called  hóngbāo ( 红包 ) in Mandarin Chinese.  These envelopes are traditionally filled with money to be given to children from parents, grandparents, and others.  These children can even be unmarried young adults as well. The amount of money giving depends on the use and the luck linked with the amount of money given.  These envelopes are also used in many other celebrations such as weddings, birth of babies,  and other occasions.  Asking when it is appropriate is very important to follow the customs of the people with whom you are staying, living, or visiting with. I would also suggest to check to see if there is an event that these would be appropriate too.

Red envelopes called hóngbāo.

I found these hóngbāo at Hallmark again in the same area as all of the Chinese New Year greeting cards.  There are many designs and sizes.  The design on these indicate favored by fortune, happiness, and good luck.   The Chinese on the front is translated as, "Everything goes well!"   If you have trouble finding such envelopes, you special order them from an online dealer or you can make them.  I love crafting and find the idea of making my own to be rather fun.

Happy Chinese New Year! 

Study, Study...Study!

Homework is the same as studying, right?  

By no means is it the same.  Sure, there are similarities just like glue is similar to peanut butter, they are both strong substances but you do not want to have a glue and jelly sandwich.  Homework and studying are similar because they are both related to learning.  Many confuse the two.  The difference between homework and studying is very clear.  Homework is work assigned to be finished outside of class.  Study is the application of gaining knowledge.  Studying can be done through reading, reflecting, and investigating topics to be applied and tested. 

Why is studying important?

As time goes by, one needs to be active with learning and obtaining knowledge to further the brain's true potential.  Knowledge is something that no one can take from you.  You can always gain more.  Studying is a tool, a skill, and a way to receive knowledge.  Just like a brush is a tool for painting, studying is a tool for learning.  Homework is great but when you confuse it with studying, that is where the purpose of studying is not seen in it's fullest.  If you came across a person hammering a nail into a plank of wood but used the other end of the hammer, most likely you would think that they would be misusing such a tool.  Homework should not be done without studying.  You can study without doing homework.  Just because homework is not assigned does not mean that studying should not be done.  

How do people study when they do not have homework?

Studying has many forms.  I am no longer in school but I am doing a lot of studying about China, Chinese culture, and the Chinese language.  You can study in many different ways that works for your learning style.  Each person has an unique way of learning.  You have to be dedicated to learn when you don't have an assignment.  You can't put zero effort into something and expect to be great.  Remember that studying is a skill, just like playing the piano or swimming.  I am sure not everyone was a master at swimming when they first started to learn how.  Studying is a skill that needs to be learned and perfected to fit the person.  That means that the more a person studies, the better they will be at studying and learning.  

Do I have to study all the time?

This is a question I get asked a lot.  I even asked myself that when I was a child.  Humans are creatures of habit.  We love to do what makes us feel comfortable and what is easy.  We fall into the swing of our habits.  When studying is not a habit of yours, you will find that it is hard for you to study and want to study.  Effort is needed to study, to be dedicated to your own knowledge and personal growth.   Each person has their free will to study or not to study but the true question has yet to be made.  Do you think that it is fair to your own mind to not be dedicated to it?  Eating right and exercise is a great way to take care of your body but your mind is not so easily dedicated to.  Do you lack the self pride and self respect to want to gain your true potential of the mind? 

How can I study then?

There are many ways and techniques for studying.  Many tests and psychological research have been made on this very subject.  Just stated before, it depends on the personal learning style and how the mind functions.   I have used many ways to study before.  I have see many pros and cons of each way.  Below is what I have found helpful for studying.  

Jen's Studying Tips:

1. If you are in school, take notes on what is going on in the class.  What the teacher says and what is going on in the classroom can help with remembering the subject.  For example, if there is a question asked by another student or yourself, write it down and write the answer down too.  This will help with retaining the information better.   Write down what happens in an experiment or write down the example or other information to help illustrate what the teacher is talking about.  After you have notes taken, study them.  Even if you do not have homework, study your notes.  Review them. 
2. Always study with in a relaxing area.  Find a place where you can put your mind on your studies and not other things is key to not being distracted.  If you are not relaxed, then you will not pay attention to what you are studying.  Also find a place that you can use over and over again as your studying spot.  
3. Make sure that your mind is clear of distractions.  You cannot simply apply your mind on studying when you have other things going on around you or in your thoughts.  A computer can only tolerate doing so many things before it starts to slow down or even shut down.  Try meditation and relaxation techniques to help you prepare to study before you even start.
4. Study breaks are great!  It has been proven to help your mind retain your information.  Just remember that it is a break and should not last too long.  
5. Make sure you are reflecting and applying what you are learning.  Apply it to your life.  This gives the topic meaning which you are ten times more likely to remember even years down the road. 
6. Keeping up with your sleep is important.  You need to have proper sleep when you are studying to help your mind's health. 
7. I love using flash cards, songs, movies, and many more techniques for studying depending on the subject or topic. 
8. Technology is a great tool for studying too.  I love making recordings, digital flashcards, or using apps designed for studying as well. Make sure you are using it properly and effectively with another method of studying.  Also be careful to not wonder on other things in technology land, you are to be studying not play. 

Baby it's Cold Outside!

Yu is all bundled up.

It has been rather cold lately.  Living in Minnesota means that there is weather that can be very cold at times but also very warm.  In the winter here we get a lot of snow and we have drop in temperatures.  Lately it has been so cold that schools have closed for kids to protect them from the cold.  The homeless shelters here have been very crowded. While having such weather, I am always happy to be inside keeping warm. 

Yu is experiencing cold weather but it's far warmer than it has been right now.  He is away on business.  I am sure he is glad he is not in Minnesota.  He did tell him that he doesn't have hot water where he will be at.  I miss him a lot but I know that he has to go where his work tells him.  Being in such a remote location must be very hard for him.

Self-confidence, Believing in yourself, and Life's Happiness

Everyone have to build their self-confidence sometime in their lives.  I know that I have been trying to gain more self-confidence.  Since I was in grade school I have been bullied.  That was when I noticed that I needed to gain more confidence in myself and my abilities.  To those who are dealing with negative people, remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Giving people the rights to make you feel poorly about yourself is the first stepping stone to do much more.  It will be a challenge at first, trust me, I know.  There are many ways to encourage yourself.  Some may say to try to get into a hobby or a source of self discovery.  Knowing one's self is important to discover yourself.  According to a Scottish philosopher, Thomas Carlyle, self-confidence is gained through accomplishing multiple things.

"Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment."

 When I complete something I feel great about myself.  Just because you have people who do not believe you can accomplish something, do not believe them.  Have faith in yourself.  You can do anything you put your mind to. Think of all the times people have told the greatest minds and inventors that they were crazy.  If they let those people stop them from doing those things we wouldn't have what we have today. 

Be positive and look for happiness in your life.  No matter the advice I can give someone who is looking for confidence, you must keep positive and look for happiness in your life.  When you find happiness in your life and be positive, the other things do not matter.  The negative people in life will not matter once you find happy and positive thoughts in your day.  There are many things in the world that makes me happy.  Once you find what makes you happy, continue to think about it.

When is the Wedding?

 
When a person tells people they are engaged, the most common question is if a date was picked for the wedding.  I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked about the date for the wedding.  Making a choice is difficult for couples to decide because of many factors but what makes it more difficult for international couples is government policies and laws.

Yu and I are going to have a wedding in China and in the USA.  We are trying to honor each others' cultures and to involve family and friends in both countries.  With that in mind, we have to plan in a way that we can meet family, cultural, and governmental expectations. 

Where are we going to get married first?

We decided to get married in China first.  We are working hard to save up to have a wedding and for my travel to China.  Yu's family is looking forward to my visit.  I am very excited to meet all of Yu's extended family and all of his friends.  I have only met his family though video conversations but I am so happy to meet them in person.

Making plans for going to China is difficult because I have not traveled much.  I have not been on an airplane before either.  This will be a very interesting and rewarding experience.  At first I was scared to travel to China but after awhile I became braver and used to the idea.

What documentation do you need for getting married in China?

There are many documentation you need to travel to China and to get married.  Each jurisdiction will have different rules and may require different forms or additional information.  The documents that are generally needed can be found here.  You will need:

• Proof of Single Status
• Passport
• Photos of the couple together
• Fees

Some jurisdictions may require birth certificates.  It is always best to gain information of what is needed by asking the center that you go to.  After Yu and I are married there are more paperwork we will have to do for the USA documentation for him to travel to the USA. 

This seems like a lot of work just to marry someone.  Why don't you marry a person in the USA?

There is a lot of effort to marry Yu, but love is full of making many efforts.  When you love someone, you will make every effort to be with them.  Regardless of location documentation, for any marriage, is needed to have a registered marriage.  I love Yu very much.  I do not plan to marry anyone else. 

When are you going to China?

I will be going to China when I go on vacation which is determined by my employer.  I will also have to make sure that it works with Yu's schedule and his family.  It will take time to also save the funding for the journey. 

You Got Mail!

Postcard from India!

Who loves to get mail?  I am not talking about random advertisements or other junk mail.  I am talking about letters and cards from loved ones.   Friends and family notes are almost coming to be very uncommon with electronic messaging and other forms of communication.  When I get mail, I get very excited.  Having pen pals is very enjoyable.  I have many pen pals from all over the world.  I am able to learn about many places and cultures.

Today I was able to get a postcard in the mail.  My good friend was able to send me a postcard while he was on his trip.  It is always nice to see the photo and learn about the photo.  I enjoyed his message to both Yu and me.  Yu and I both love to hear from friends and family who are on adventures.

Who else likes getting postcards from a long far off place?

Welcoming 2015

 Happy New Year!   新年快乐！

It's the new year.  Thinking back on the past year and looking forward to this next year is very common.  Many people will make promises for the new year.  Some may want to lose weight or try something new.  Some may want to not make such promises. 

I am looking forward to many things this year.  This year I plan to go to China to see my fiance and his family.  We plan on getting married this year in China and sometime in the future to have a wedding in the USA. Weddings in China are very different than in the USA.  Learning about Chinese culture has been so interesting and inspiring to me.  As the year continues, I hope to learn more and more about China and Chinese culture.

I plan on working hard to save money for my trip and to get ready for my visit.  I am looking forward to it.  I have never been on an airplane or train.  I have never been outside the country.  I have not traveled much so this will be an exciting and new experience for me.

What do you look forward for 2015? 


Speaking of weddings, it has been very exciting that I am getting married.  It seems like a dream come true.  It is not just me, my cousin is getting married this year too.  I am so happy for her.  It has been very difficult to decide what dress to wear for such event.  There are thousands of dresses for weddings designed each year.  Many styles to choose from that it can be overwhelming.

In China, wedding dresses are traditionally red.  In the USA, it is traditionally white for wedding dresses. So far I have tried on three wedding dresses, all white dresses.  My fiance, Yu, picked out a style of traditional Chinese wedding dress that he thinks would look great on me.  I find that it is such a beautiful dress that I feel honored to wear it, when the times comes.

This dress is the one Yu picked out.

Words for Thought

What is on your mind?  Many may think about random things like what they want to eat or what movie to watch.  Maybe you are thinking of some practical ways to carry out your days.  I am different.  I am thinking of so many things at the moment and have been thinking about these things for a long time. Sometimes we have to stop and think of what is important.  If you do not know, just take a moment to think of all the nouns in your life.  Narrow it down to put everything into perspective.  Apart from family members, who or what else matters to you?

I care more about my fiance than all of the hustle and bustle of the world.   He lives and works in a popular city in China.  It's a long distance relationship that has many obstacles such as language, far distance, and time difference.  It takes a special person to bring down the walls I put up around my heart.  Without his hard work to get me to see how special he is, I would not have found the love of my life.

I have told him many times he is my prince or knight.  He would always give me a smile and laugh.  I do not think he understood it very much.  He would say that he is not a prince or a knight, but I know different.  Not all princes or knights are rulers of countries or warriors.  Some may think it's fantasy that I'm thinking of and that is partly true.  I am a writer of castles and knights so I like to put myself in that time period to understand my characters, but that is not the case here.

My fiance is very noble and protective.  He stands by his morals and his code of honor.  He was able to see me when I was in the darkness of a fortress of my own defenses. Unable to find my own way out of darkness of being behind the walls, he entered when I gave up hope.  At first, fear kept me hidden but he offered his hand to help me out of the depths to pull me out into the light.  He learned of the evils that kept me imprisoned within.  The knowledge I thought he would use to his benefit like others who have done before, but he did not.  He helped me.  He helped me trust again and he helped me love again.

Is my fiance a prince or knight?  Yes he is.  He saved me from giving up on people, and for that, I am very thankful.

Who are you thankful for?

My fiance, Yu Sheng!