Wednesday, June 10, 2015

My Love Life: Facing Discrimination

Yu busy at work making sure workers are safe.

"Yes, for the last time, my future husband is Asian.  He is a Chinese citizen."  As soon as people hear that, all kinds of questions arise.  Where did you meet him, why an Asian guy, is it true what they say about 'them,' and so on.  The list of ridiculous questions grows so fast it is hard to keep track.  With all the prejudice still in society within the social structure of our culture, in the USA, intercultural and international relationships are put through the ringer.  I am in a long distance relationship and the internet has helped our relationship grow.  This kind of relationship has brought discrimination too.

He's an Asian man from China

Many times people are surprised and sometimes offended when they find out that I am going to marry a man from China.  I get people who ask how long he has been in China (thinking that he is just there on business), but once they find out he lived there all his life, I get the open-eyed, mouth agape stare.  People automatically think I will be with a white man (stupid stereotypes).

Lately people have been more supportive in comparison to when I first started to date Yu.  There are still people out there, though, that are determined to make it difficult.  Recently someone communicated their "concern" about Yu's intentions in regards to dating and marrying me.  These concerns were a cover up to discriminatory actions and words.  A lot of the time, most people assume he is just looking for a green card.  That could be true with some people but with Yu it is different.  He doesn't care if he gets one or not.  He only cares about being around me.  He doesn't want to leave my side like any loving boyfriend, fiance, and husband would feel.

We could live in China or in the USA, as long as we are together, that's all that matters.  We are hoping to live together in the USA because of the workers' rights, higher pay opportunities, clean air, and less population.  It took a lot of convincing Yu to try to come to the USA. 

We all have fear of new places.  I am slightly scared of going to China because I have never been there before and have never traveled before.  I know that Yu will take good care of me and will look out for me.  English is spoken more than I first thought, so I know that I won't be completely lost.  Yu tells me more of his fear of going to the USA is from the expectation that men have to be providers for their families.  He is worried about finding work which is a common worry no matter your location.

Why are you marring him?

I am marring a respectable man who has shown me he loves me.  I really don't understand why people question why.  Maybe it is linked to assumptions made about Asian men and how they treat women.  Yu was brought up with morals and a sense of family.  Family is important in most Asian cultures.  A lot of Asian guys have a sense of responsibility to their families, jobs, and other aspects in life.

I took a class in college about relationships.  One of the assignments was to make a list of traits that you are looking for in a relationship partner.  My list is as follows:

1. Respect and loves me for who I am-- At that time, I was dealing with an abusive boyfriend and a creepy stalker.  These men did not respect me or love me.  This was important to me and should be for any woman. This point made me continue to try to define and recognize respect and love.
  •  Yu does meet this point.  He respects me so much that it was hard to believe it to be true at first.  In his culture young adults date to marry.  He respected me so much that he talked about how he takes dating serious.  He loves me more than my past relationships.  He was with me through hard times with my brain tumor.  I was really sick and he was always there to comfort me when I was scared.  He was brave for me but I knew he was very worried.  He broke down one day because he was so worried I was going to die.
2. Someone to take care of me -- At this time I was taking care of so many people that I lacked time to take care of myself. My boyfriend at the time was demanding of me to take care of him but never took any effort to help me or assist me in anything.  He didn't want to be bothered by me.  To take care of someone stems from love because it is an act of love.
  • Yes, Yu does this.  In the past point, Yu helped take care of me when I was sick.  Even though were were so far way from each other (over 7,000 miles), he took care of me the best he could.  I have full faith in him following through with his view of being responsible for my well being.  He is protective of me which is something that I love about him. 
3. Someone I enjoy being around and I can be myself around them -- My ex boyfriend was more controlling and anything I said or did could tip the scales and make him mad.  Abusive relationships makes things uncomfortable and unnatural.   It was important for me to find someone I can be natural around. 
  • Yu is great to be around.  I feel like I can be myself without any controlling or demands.  Yu doesn't want to change me.  He always tells me to be myself.  I enjoy out dates together.  No matter what I talk about with him, I do not feel judged.  This is important in a relationship.
So why am I marrying Yu?  I love Yu and I know he loves me too. Race as nothing to do with it.  The people whom think that there is something wrong with marring outside of the classification of race needs to really wake up and understand people are people. 

Truth about Asian men

Asian men are human.  Humans have a verity of traits. Race or nationality does not have any coloration with these traits.  Asian men are no different than other men in regards to physical traits, cultural traits differ due to many cultural aspects of the world.  This verity is common in any people group. 


Yu sent me a creative message while he was at work.


So tired of people telling me I shouldn't go to China to marry my fiance.  Yu is a nice guy and deserves the utmost respect.  Assumptions can hurt people, tactless words can hurt too.  Get all the facts before making judgments and confronting people based on lies and false beliefs.  Do not just make things more difficult for others or spew your hateful comments and discrimination. Love doesn't know boarders or nationalities. Love knows love and that is what matters most.  I love Yu and he loves me.

2 comments:

  1. We live in a world that is diversified. Understanding it is important to society. When Cupid shots the arrow of love, he does not look at race or location in the world. I know many people that have overcome these hurdles and are very happy together. Some have been together for over a quarter of a century so far. The main thing to remember in any relationship is that love is always the key factor.

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    1. Thank you Barbara. More people should think like that. Love is important and should not be determined based on race.

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