Respect Your Elders

Grandma J Ehlers and Grandma R Ehlers

For a long time I have been trying to figure out what has been bothering me.  I have done a lot of reflecting and have figured out what has been bothering my soul.  Respect has been bothering me lately.  This post is a reflection on what I have been thinking about for a long time.  Grandparents and other elders are important to me and I wanted to share what was on my heart.

Elders these days in the USA seem to have been receiving less respect more and more.  This is something that makes me rather sad.  There are many elders in our population and they all should be shown respect just like each human being should.  At my work, I see a lot of elders come in for assistance and I try my best to help them out.  I am very surprised that many are deeply moved by my helpful and respectful service.  This got me to think about the philosophy we live today.

I started to analyze how people in my life treat elders I interact with.  In my own extended family I noticed there was a disconnect between honoring different elders.  In China, honoring elders is very important.  If you don't have respect for your grandparents, for example, you don't have respect at all.  Every elder was addressed in a family title when I was in China.  You called every elder man, grandpa, and elder woman, grandma.

Yu and I with Grandma Sheng and Grandpa Sheng

In the USA, we don't call people by family titles unless we are related to them somehow.  I noticed that in my family on my dad's side, some people don't even use family titles for all of us.  We don't call people brother, sister, cousin, or even elders as grandma/grandpa.  In China, we even called cousins our brothers and sisters.  Here in the USA, a cousin is called cousin but usually by there own name.  My father's step mom is even addressed by her name by some people in the family.  When my step-grandmother is not called "grandma" it effects her and others, like me.  I do see my biological grandmother being called "grandma" as her title but not the same with my step-grandmother.  Once you do not use the proper title for elders, you also start to show less care for the person and unfair treatments or favoritism is started.  On my dad's side of the family I do see many times biological relationships between the families matter most of all.  This made me think as to why.  Why must having a biological relationship connection matter more to showing respect and honor to an elder?

Biological relationships has the reputation of being closer and having longer bounds between each member, but this is a myth.  Biological relationships means a person is related by blood.  Sometimes these relationships are close but sometimes they can be broken bonds.  Non-biological relationships can be broken but some can be close too.  Some of these relationships can be very strong.  Love can come in different forms.  People can choose to love people.

I am so lucky to have non-biological relationships. Elders make life better because they help shape and mold others.  It is the elders that help teach the younger generations.  (Many elders come into my workplace and give advice to all of us younger people.)  To those whom believe biological relationships are more important and respectable, you couldn't be more off the mark.  Examples of this is adoptions, step families, marriages, and so on.  These examples of non-biological relationships help uncover this myth.  In fact, non-biological relationships started biological ones.  You cannot have biological relationships without non-biological ones. 

Families come in all shapes and sizes.  Families always change and continue to be a living thing.  There are good times and bad times.  The heart of families are the elders.  On my father's side, Grandma J Ehlers, the eldest of the family, is truely the heart of the family.  She is like the glue that holds the family together.  Sometimes she does things or says things that is not logical but that is because of the mind slowly fading because of age.  Having an understanding mind is key when relating to elders.  As I noticed, there appears to be a change in how each elder relates to the other members of a family and society.  This reflects in the minds of younger members of family and society as to importance and usefulness in the present day.  Many may see my Grandma J Ehlers as not having much use to society because her memory is slowly disappearing but she does remember some things that helps people learn about the past.  She can share about different times in history and she has a long life knowledge too. 

Many see elders as being stuck in the past but many people lack the wisdom to know that elders have far more knowledge than they realize. This knowledge has value to the present day.  History can repeat itself and it is vital to know history and the warning signs of historic disasters coming back to haunt humanity. It is the foolish to disregard any elder.  I believe that the Chinese culture is wise in holding elders in high regard.  In the USA culture, there are many views on the subject. I still cannot completely wrap my head around the idea of disrespecting elders even if they have lost their memories or are still putting up the fight.  No matter what state an elder is in, they need confidence, kindness, understanding, and respect.

In my family I have my biological grandma and my step grandma, on my dad's side, whom are the only grandparents I have that are alive.  I also now have grandparents in China too.  It makes me very happy to have these elders in my life.  I do find it very sad when I hear one of my grandmas not being honored like she should.  It breaks my heart that she has been disrespected so.  I often tell myself that I hope that when I am an elder that the treatment she receives is not how people would treat me too. I told myself that I will do what I can to honor all grandparents in my life.  I also told myself that I will honor all elders too.

I love you Grandma J Ehlers, Grandma R Ehlers, Grandma Sheng, and Grandpa Sheng!

My cousin, Grandma R Ehlers, and I took a photo outside the barn wedding for my eldest cousin.