Airplane Ticket and My Future Mother-in-Law

My first time buying an airplane ticket to another country, to anywhere for that matter.  The closest I have been to an airplane was years ago.  I was little and I would watch the plane take off with my father on-board on his way to business trips.  The thought of being on an aircraft is both exciting and scary at the same time.  The unknown is scary but it is what you do with your fear that makes you brave.

Traveling over 7,000 miles will give me a lot of experience being on an aircraft.  I've been doing a lot of readings on what to do on long flights and I have an idea of what can keep be occupied.  I also have done readings on what to expect for international travels. 

Booking my ticket:

My friend GA told me to keep looking and to sign up to get notifications.  GA has done a lot of travel so I took his advice, although I did not sign up to be notified.  I kept checking month after month for any change.  I was able to find a great price for a round trip ticket.  Thanks to Expedia, it was easy to find a low price and it was easy to book a flight.

I always thought it was going to be more difficult to book a flight but it was a lot easier.  I even signed up for a special miles reward program with the airlines I will be using.  All I have to do now is to get my paperwork and travel documents together.

My future mother-in-law:

My future mother-in-law is so happy to hear I'm coming.  She is very excited and is counting down the days.  She is so kind to me.  She keeps telling Yu to keep asking when I am going to get there.  She is so excited that it makes me even more excited about going to see her.  She was so filled with joy when she found out I booked my flight.

Today I talked with her though video chat.  Yu helped translate because of my poor Chinese and her poor English.  She misses me so much.  I miss her too.  She is always so nice to me and always wanting to help if people are sick.  Today she told me that she misses me so much and that I will see her very soon.  She kept telling Yu to give me the family ring.  The ring is very dear to her.  It was passed down from generation to generation.  In American culture, we have similar traditions.  I think it is a great honor she wants me to have it.

My future mother-in-law is wanting to teach me how to cook Chinese food, not the Americanized way.  I am looking forward to it.  She also wants to help me learn Chinese.  "Keep learning!" she says to me always.

I feel like our relationship is much better than it was when I first started to date Yu.  At first she didn't like the idea of her son dating an American girl.  She had no idea about me and who I was as a person.  I was so nervous about meeting her the first time.  I received her approval which made me so happy.

In Chinese culture there are expectations on men to be deemed as date-able, you have to have a house, a car, money, and a good paying job.  Yu's mom thought that if Chinese have this expectation that the Americans will have a higher expectation.  Owning a house, a car, and having money to burn is very difficult for anyone  and in China it is even more difficult due to work and higher taxes.  Essentially it is cheaper in the USA than in China.

She was so shocked that my expectations  were different than the norm in China.  I expect Yu to respect me, love me, and show effort in a life with me.  She was happy to know I accept her son the way he is. 

My future mother-in-law kept telling her friends and other people in her life that her son's American girlfriend is coming to visit  and will marry her son.  I am so happy to be able to see her very soon.

The train.  When I go to see my mother-in-law I will get to go on the train to her city.

My Love Life: Facing Discrimination

Yu busy at work making sure workers are safe.

"Yes, for the last time, my future husband is Asian.  He is a Chinese citizen."  As soon as people hear that, all kinds of questions arise.  Where did you meet him, why an Asian guy, is it true what they say about 'them,' and so on.  The list of ridiculous questions grows so fast it is hard to keep track.  With all the prejudice still in society within the social structure of our culture, in the USA, intercultural and international relationships are put through the ringer.  I am in a long distance relationship and the internet has helped our relationship grow.  This kind of relationship has brought discrimination too.

He's an Asian man from China

Many times people are surprised and sometimes offended when they find out that I am going to marry a man from China.  I get people who ask how long he has been in China (thinking that he is just there on business), but once they find out he lived there all his life, I get the open-eyed, mouth agape stare.  People automatically think I will be with a white man (stupid stereotypes).

Lately people have been more supportive in comparison to when I first started to date Yu.  There are still people out there, though, that are determined to make it difficult.  Recently someone communicated their "concern" about Yu's intentions in regards to dating and marrying me.  These concerns were a cover up to discriminatory actions and words.  A lot of the time, most people assume he is just looking for a green card.  That could be true with some people but with Yu it is different.  He doesn't care if he gets one or not.  He only cares about being around me.  He doesn't want to leave my side like any loving boyfriend, fiance, and husband would feel.

We could live in China or in the USA, as long as we are together, that's all that matters.  We are hoping to live together in the USA because of the workers' rights, higher pay opportunities, clean air, and less population.  It took a lot of convincing Yu to try to come to the USA. 

We all have fear of new places.  I am slightly scared of going to China because I have never been there before and have never traveled before.  I know that Yu will take good care of me and will look out for me.  English is spoken more than I first thought, so I know that I won't be completely lost.  Yu tells me more of his fear of going to the USA is from the expectation that men have to be providers for their families.  He is worried about finding work which is a common worry no matter your location.

Why are you marring him?

I am marring a respectable man who has shown me he loves me.  I really don't understand why people question why.  Maybe it is linked to assumptions made about Asian men and how they treat women.  Yu was brought up with morals and a sense of family.  Family is important in most Asian cultures.  A lot of Asian guys have a sense of responsibility to their families, jobs, and other aspects in life.

I took a class in college about relationships.  One of the assignments was to make a list of traits that you are looking for in a relationship partner.  My list is as follows:

1. Respect and loves me for who I am-- At that time, I was dealing with an abusive boyfriend and a creepy stalker.  These men did not respect me or love me.  This was important to me and should be for any woman. This point made me continue to try to define and recognize respect and love.

•  Yu does meet this point.  He respects me so much that it was hard to believe it to be true at first.  In his culture young adults date to marry.  He respected me so much that he talked about how he takes dating serious.  He loves me more than my past relationships.  He was with me through hard times with my brain tumor.  I was really sick and he was always there to comfort me when I was scared.  He was brave for me but I knew he was very worried.  He broke down one day because he was so worried I was going to die.

2. Someone to take care of me -- At this time I was taking care of so many people that I lacked time to take care of myself. My boyfriend at the time was demanding of me to take care of him but never took any effort to help me or assist me in anything.  He didn't want to be bothered by me.  To take care of someone stems from love because it is an act of love.

• Yes, Yu does this.  In the past point, Yu helped take care of me when I was sick.  Even though were were so far way from each other (over 7,000 miles), he took care of me the best he could.  I have full faith in him following through with his view of being responsible for my well being.  He is protective of me which is something that I love about him. 

3. Someone I enjoy being around and I can be myself around them -- My ex boyfriend was more controlling and anything I said or did could tip the scales and make him mad.  Abusive relationships makes things uncomfortable and unnatural.   It was important for me to find someone I can be natural around. 

• Yu is great to be around.  I feel like I can be myself without any controlling or demands.  Yu doesn't want to change me.  He always tells me to be myself.  I enjoy out dates together.  No matter what I talk about with him, I do not feel judged.  This is important in a relationship.

So why am I marrying Yu?  I love Yu and I know he loves me too. Race as nothing to do with it.  The people whom think that there is something wrong with marring outside of the classification of race needs to really wake up and understand people are people. 

Truth about Asian men

Asian men are human.  Humans have a verity of traits. Race or nationality does not have any coloration with these traits.  Asian men are no different than other men in regards to physical traits, cultural traits differ due to many cultural aspects of the world.  This verity is common in any people group. 

Yu sent me a creative message while he was at work.

So tired of people telling me I shouldn't go to China to marry my fiance.  Yu is a nice guy and deserves the utmost respect.  Assumptions can hurt people, tactless words can hurt too.  Get all the facts before making judgments and confronting people based on lies and false beliefs.  Do not just make things more difficult for others or spew your hateful comments and discrimination. Love doesn't know boarders or nationalities. Love knows love and that is what matters most.  I love Yu and he loves me.