Building a New House?

Yu's home when he visited for New Years

"Your mom is doing what?!" I expressed my shock as to what Yu had just said.  His mom was demolishing their house to rebuild a new one.  Yu explained that it is because I will be coming soon and his mom is preparing for our marriage.  At first I did not understand this but as time went by I was able to understand more.  It is a cultural view I was not used to.

In China, there is  expectations that some people hold for those whom are dating and those who will potentially get married.  These expectations are having a home, a car, a good paying job, and many other aspects.  Some may think that these expectations are materialistic or unreasonable but there is meaning to these things.  There is a sense of financial security within the relationship.  Within the Chinese culture, men are seen as providers.  Throughout history in many countries men were providers and had to prove that they can provide for a woman.  Now-a-days China is more opened to many different views but there is still a belief that men are providers.

So why is my future mother-in-law busy with rebuilding a house?  Within her view, a house means a home.  Her son is getting married and must be a provider for his wife.  She wants him to keep face to show that he can give me a home to live.  It shows that there is thought about the future. She wants to make enough room for me and our future family.  Even though we do plan to live in the USA, Yu said that it is still part of the cultural expectation in the area that he lives. 

During the Spring Festival, also known as Chinese New Year, Yu was able to go to see this new house.  He said that it was very big.  He was able to show me some of the house.  His mom had him show me around with a video.  She was so happy to be able to show me the house that was built.  She also wanted me to see her new kitchen and see the food she was making for the celebration of New Years. 

团圆 (tuán yuán) is a tofu ball soup that is commonly served at many family celebrations

This is sure a cultural difference that is hard to understand.  I know that my family is still confused by the whole thing.  My family at first was worried about what Yu will expect when he comes here.  Yu understands the cultural difference and the expectation is different.  He wants to show that he is a proper gentlemen who is reliable, respectable, and honorable.

What have you seen that is required for men and/or women within your culture?