New to Minnesota: Yu's First Year in MN

I came up with a list of things that were new for Yu in Minnesota and a lit of some cultural differences Yu faces in his new home.

Winters -- Burrrrr!!!!
Yu has settled more into life in Minnesota, USA.  He found it very hard to deal with differences and changes.  Weather was and is a big deal to get used to.  Weather in Minnesota (MN) is different than in Shanghai.  For one factor, MN have more extreme cold winters than Shanghai has.  We have more dry air which makes it us have some drying skin or very chapped lips from the cold winds.  Yu found himself using more chap-sticks for his lips and try to protect his skin more.

MN Nice -- Well-mannered
Yu found that his time in MN has showed him a new kindness that is unique to him.  In MN we have a thing called Minnesota Nice.  Many people whom live in MN find it a way to be kind to everyone, which is a stereotype of MN.  We find it to be a little joke or something that is laughable a little.  Yu actually says that it is a real thing because he runs into many situations where people were nice to total strangers.  Many times he was lost or forgot where to go and many times there were strangers offering to help him.  This simple act of kindness that we find normal in MN is something that doesn't really happen where he is from.  He was even touched by how an old woman came up to him offering to take him home when he was a little lost.

Smoking --
Yu found that adapting to MN views about smoking to be a little different than in Shanghai.  Many Chinese find smoking to be a relaxing past time, a way to celebrate, a social thing, and a way to be kind to others (as in offering a cigarette to others).  In MN smoking is more viewed negatively.  In many places in China, smoking is okay.  If you walk around town you can see people smoke in restaurant, outside the door of buildings, sometimes in shopping centers people might smoke.  The only time you see people not smoking would be on public transpiration or where there may be signs posted.  It is much different in MN.  In MN it is against the law to smoke in restaurant or other areas.  In MN you have to stand a great distance from entrances of buildings to smoke outside.  Yu said if you want to smoke you need to hide away from the door because MN people don't like smoke.  Smokers in MN may get bad comments or looks when they smoke in front of others at times.  He finds that Chinese welcomes smokers more than MN.  Many people in MN view smoking as a link to lung cancer so many people take issue with it.

Cash vs. Credit Cards -- 
Since coming into the USA, Yu has learned not many people in the USA carry cash like people in China do.  China seems to be the place where they use cash only.  Card payments or phone payments (banks linked to the phone -- different than Apple Pay or other apps) are less common than cash payments.  One main reason in USA we don't use cash as much is because of safety.  When a criminal sees someone with a lot of cash, they are 10 times as likely take that cash from that person.  It is usually normally safe but you never know whom will want to take what is not theirs.  Muggings are basically the main reason why Americans don't want to carry large amounts of cash with them. If their cards were taken it is more easy to stop the thief from using their money due to protection on their cards.  It is really hard to get cash back from a thief.  After a year of being here, Yu still finds it is a strange custom but understands safety with it.

Elderly and Funerals -- 
As sad as it is, while Yu was here, my Grandma Jean passed away a few months ago.  Months leading up to her passing was full of doctor appointments and hospital stays.  Yu took time to fully understand why Grandma Jean wanted to be in her own house away from family.  This is something that is not common in USA.  Most households in China have a multi-generational understand and setup of homes.  The Chinese want the elderly to live with their families.  He took time to understand that Grandma Jean wanted to be considered independent and prove she still can do things on her own like she used to do.  She still saw her family as her little kids she had to take care of.  She didn't want to burden anyone, it was a kind of pride for her.  Yu also had to deal with the concept of nursing homes.  He finally understood them to be as a place for those whom need medical attention for their daily lives, not as mush needed like in the hospital.  He was then around for the funeral.

In China there are many customs and views on funerals.  For Yu, he couldn't carry the casket or speak at the funeral.  He found it odd that I was a pole-bearer and I was working hard on helping with the funeral stuff.  The fact that I carried the casket created a confusion due to culture.  It was considered very bad luck for me to carry a dead body being I was young, married, and have not born children yet.  He then found peace with it because once he saw Grandma Jean in her open casket, he felt like she was at peace.  In China when he was at other funerals he felt scared and uneasy.

Yu wanted to do something special for Grandma Jean so he brought some coins for her.  He gave her two gold coins one for each hand.  He had others put in her hands as it was something that he couldn't do due to custom.  He then took more coins he had collected and we all put coins in her grave.  In China, those whom have died are honored in different ways.  He tried to explain some of many ways they honor those who have passed away.  In China they burn objects like money or small items like cars (usually things that represent the real thing).  They believe that the burning of these things will send up to the heavens where their loved ones will then have these objects so they can have better life.  Yu said that the gold in Grandma Jean's hands will be with her for her to get a better life when she is reborn into the world.   (Yu's family is Buddhist.  There are many religions in China and not everyone believes this but there are many that do).  Yu believes that because he gave her something that Grandma will bless him.

Yu found that funerals for Americans are different for each person.  He went to one funeral before Grandma Jean's.  The first funeral was just a big BBQ gathering at a park.  It was a big party and had nothing to do with religion.  Grandma Jean's funeral was a traditional Lutheran Christian service gathering.  There was traditional songs and prayers.  Yu found that it was different to see how people pray to God differently than when he would pray.  The funeral had food too where people could share a meal and talk to people.  Yu found that it was a nice thing to do at a funeral.  He got to meet all kinds of elders on Grandma Jean's side.  He did his best to show respect to them and many of the elders though he was a very well-mannered young man.  My father loved introducing him as his son.

Talk Chinese Now!

Younger uncle and my mother-in-law standing proud with us at our wedding.

There were times I had no idea what was being said.  Yu was able to let me know what was being said.

"You have been here long enough, you must talk Chinese now!" my husband's younger uncle told me (in Chinese) on his way out to greet other guests that attended the wedding.  I nodded my head.  At this point in time I only knew how to say polite words such as: good morning, good night, hello, how are you, thank you, and I love you.  I had no idea what to say to people.  It takes a long time for me to learn words and statements in other languages.  Ask my Spanish teacher, I really needed all the help I could get to recall all the vocabulary.  I have a learning disability so my brain processes information differently and recalls things in a different way.  It is slow for me to learn so my husband wasn't too insistent for me to learn Chinese.

He knew that it was a challenge for me to get the tones right and the words and form the sounds correctly.  We would spend hours on our walks, dates, and time spent at home, practicing Chinese for me to use when we are hosting the wedding.  I learned all the family names that I could and tried my best.  I forgot things and I know I said the wrong words but I think everyone was happy to know I was trying.  If you are learning a new language the majority of people will be pleased you are trying to embrace the language and culture.

My husband was a great help at the wedding, he would tell me what to say in Chinese and I would repeat to the best of my ability.  I was so nervous I would say the wrong thing or do something impolite.  This was on of my biggest anxiety moments I had when I was in China.  Meeting people I don't know and immersing myself in a culture that I knew little about and had no idea what people are saying does give me high levels of anxiety. You can do as much research as you can in preparation for your trip or whatever the setting you are in but that doesn't mean you know it.  You only know it through research knowledge that is stored in your brain but you have yet to experience it.

For me, I did a lot of reading of blogs of AMWF relationships and women living in China with their Chinese husbands, just to learn about culture. I found myself worried about knowing enough when I was in China. I know now that it wasn't necessary to be too worried.  I was able to be more relaxed after a few minutes with my family in China and then their family and friends that came to celebrate with us.

I was able to talk with friends and family whom spoke a little English and then also with those whom had translators to help with communication.  Even though uncle told me to speak Chinese and not English that day, I still spoke English and still made people proud with my little Chinese I did spoke that day.  I was glad to make my Chinese family proud.

I will give advice for those who are learning Chinese.  Chinese can be difficult to master so don't give up.  Just practice.  I try to practice new words for 10 minutes before I go to work, around lunch time or dinner time, and then before going to bed.  I try to master words to remember the meaning, the character(s), the sound, and the way to say it.  I have found some apps that help with this but practicing with my husband is the best so I can have him tell me if I am saying it correctly.  I have found that some apps are not fully accurate with recording recognition.  Sometimes I have found that the words are not said correctly but the apps I have used says that it is.

I have may textbooks and recorded lessons for learning Chinese too.  These can help but not always the best for knowing if you are saying the words correctly. The best way to learn Chinese is being around those who speak Chinese.  This helps to know if you are speaking correctly.  Find friends whom speak Chinese and ask if they can help you too.  I have friends who do language exchange so we teach each other our languages.

Remember that if you have been immersed in a setting of Chinese speaking you will need time too.  I did not become fluent in Chinese in the small time I was living in China.  Sometimes expectations is not realistic so keep your goals real.  Setting goals should be measurable, able to meet that goal, and continue to make future goals.

Work in your time.  Don't follow other people's time of when to be fluent, just be you.  Each person has different learning abilities and time-frames to learn.  Find what works for you.  What works for me may not work for you.  I think you need to think about what makes learning easy for you and enjoyable.  Yes, learning can be enjoyable no matter what my brother-in-law or cousins may think.

For me, I like to learn through different things like music and TV shows.  My husband made his English better by watching TV shows and movies in English and learning English songs. This has helped me too. It is a very fun way to learn.  Watching some Chinese TV shows has been very fun.  You can learn about the culture through TV shows and even the form of storytelling that people use for those TV shows.  I love learning story telling techniques from different people groups.  It has always fascinated me.

What do you do to learn something new?  Have you learned a new language?  What did you do to learn?  What worked the best and what didn't work?  Do you have advice for language learning?

Chinese Memories: Hello and Drama

What was it like being in China?  This is a common question people ask me.  There wasn't too many differences from the town I live.  I felt just like I was at home, but I didn't understand most people or signs, there was more smoking and drinking than at home, and there was more need to pay attention to culture.  There were many similar things in China as in the USA.  I didn't really feel like I was thousands of miles away.

I felt like I was at home.  I felt welcome.  This was all over the place.  People would come up to me and say hello.  A lot of kids were told to come talk to me to practice their English.  This was so cute.  They all did great! I'm glad I can help to with your English practice.  I remember going to the market and looking at different things with my husband, Yu.  There was this boy who was very shy but his parent was insistent he goes to say hi.  You did a good job little buddy!

One time, late at night, my husband and I went out for something to eat and of course at this time of night most places are closed.  There was a few places opened but my hubby didn't want to go to those places.  He decided to get street BBQ food.  There was a narrow long grill on the side of the road with tables of foods to choose from and tables to eat at.  My husband picked out foods for the man to cook for us and we were told to sit down to wait for it.  Not too long after sitting there I heard loud voices.  By this time in China I had become accustomed to people just starring at me and people coming up Yu asking about me.  These voices were different.  It was a mixture of excitement exclamation and strange drunken, no filter loudness.  There was a table, on the other side of Yu, where two men were sitting.  The table had many bottles of what used to be beer.  Bottles of beer are much bigger in China than in the USA, think of the bottle as about two or three bottles of beer or cans of beer in USA.  There was about 6 or more bottles of Chinese beer that were empty and of course these two men wanted more.  They went to the man who was cooking the food to ask more more and then saw me.

Those who know me know that I don't like to draw attention to myself and try to blend in.  The man that was making such a loud fuss was rather loud and drawing more attention to those walking across the street and in nearby shops and restaurants that were still open. The man went to my husband and started to talk to him.  First I thought he was an old friend but then it changed once my hubby said the man wanted to know who I was and where I was from.  Of course once my hubby said I was his wife, the shock became voiced.  For some reason it was unbelievable for a Chinese man to have a wife from another country.  I became accustomed to the shock in people's face when they heard Yu was my boyfriend, fiancee, and now husband. The sheer volume of the shocked man's voice was a little ear piercing.

The man then asked where I was from and how to say he loves Americans.  The whole time he kept saying "I love American" and "I want to go to American" saying he loves USA and wants to go.  He then offered to pay for our meal.  Now in China, my husband pays for my meal.  There is a huge cultural significant of who pays the bill for food.  Before going to China I read about this cultural view point.  You can see it in a popular TV show in the USA called "Fresh Off the Boat" which explains that there is much to be said about who pays the bill.  The person who paid is the host, the provider, the person who paid for you.  Being the person whom doesn't pay can sometimes mean you owe the person whom paid, depending on the context.  When I was in China, my hubby paid for everything.  It is culturally expected for him to provide for his wife.  This is shown by paying for things, having some kind of property, and a car of some kind.  This is something I don't actually agree with but in the Chinese culture it is something that matters to them.

So the man offers to pay for the food and my husband says no.  I even told him no that my husband would pay for our food, since he then addressed me. I told him that he wasn't thinking straight that he might be drunk and it wasn't right to take money from people who were drunk.  The man then said he wasn't drunk and was just wanting to pay the money.  To this day I still am convinced he was what we call tipsy which is still a level of drunk. The man was still rather eager to pay.  He even went up to the "boss," the owner of the food stall and said he will pay no matter what. After a very long time of going back and forth of who will pay, Yu gave in and let the man pay.  The man paid and expressed through slurred speech that he will even pay for when my parents get to China.  As we were leaving the man expressed again that he America and people from there.

As we walked down the road Yu told me that I just witnessed Chinese drama.  I also felt as though I also witnessed a man that was the type of person I read about that just wants to be friends with someone from another country to brag about it or show off to friends.  When I was in China I felt as though I was a trophy at times for people to show off they met a foreigner.  I felt as though I was the foreigner and not just Jen.  Don't get me wrong, I love to help others learn about other cultures and help them with their English but I also felt as though I was just a teacher of English or just a person to take a photo or selfie with. 

Even though I felt as though this was happening I still felt welcomed in China.  I did make some good friends and enjoyed my time there.  I will forever remember the little kids trying to practice their English.  Those kids were so cute and I just loved them.  I will also remember the strange drunk man who I ended up seeing again and all he could say was "I love American"  and I just answered, "Yes, good job with your English!" for encouragement. 

The street BBQ had a table like this with all the foods to pick from.

Yu picked out scallops that he knew I loved. It have veggies and the boss put it with noodles and oysters too.

Oysters were really yummy! 

Yu also got me pork too.  He made me believe it was something totally different. 

Yu also picked out chicken skin that had some sauce on it. It was so good but again he tricked me into believing it was something else.

The boss had a narrow grill like this.  He would cook the food and season it too.  Good job boss, it was very delicious.

Gift Giving

Giving gifts has always been something I loved to do.  I got it down to a science of picking out the perfect gift to make someone happy, surprised, and feel like I know them. When it came to giving gifts to my Chinese family, it was a lot of effort to figure out what to get them.  I read so many things about what is culturally acceptable to give as a gift.  I even asked some of my Chinese friends in the USA what would be good.  There are many things that I had to keep in mind. 

I ended up picking items that are specialty items or something I know the person will use.  Specialty items have more value in China.  So I was able to bring some specialty items from my home state to China. Everyone sure liked the maple candy I brought.  Specialty candies are great to give.  I explained to my family in China that the candy was made from a tree.  It was from a local farm that allowed people to tap the trees there.  It was great to see the little cousins enjoy the candy.  We had to cut some of them to allow for more pieces for people to try. 

I also brought along a gift for my brother-in-law who loves music.  I got him a speaker for him to play his music.  I thought it would be something he would like.  To be fully honest I had no idea what he would like or think about what I got him.  I know he likes music and sports.  I think he liked it well enough.  Brother was rather shy so it was hard to tell much of anything.  That was something I noticed a lot was people being too shy to talk to me or some hairdressers were very shy about their ability to fix my hair.  It's okay little brother, I don't mind, you can talk to me when you feel like it! I also gave him some s'more hot chocolate.  My husband told me that he has never heard of s'mores before so I brought little brother something with  s'mores in it.

Note to self:  Do not bring a drum that resembles a rattle, that just makes the person feel like you are calling them a baby.  Not what I wanted to say at all little brother.  I did bring him a drum from my state that were used for Native American music.  I thought it was a great gift because it was fun to play with, but in China, this kind of drum is for babies.  In USA we don't give this to a kid because the beads on each string will some off in the baby's mouth.  Cultural Difference! 

My mother-in-law got a stained glass item that had English on it saying I am honored to have her as my mother-in-law.  She loved it.  It had to be translated to her but she loved seeing it.   She put it by her bedside. She also got a bag from me.  It was a real name-brand bag, Coach. I made sure to get her a bag that wasn't red.  One of my Chinese friends told me that never give or buy a wallet in the color red because it is the color of fire and it would be like burning your money. 

My mother-in-law loved the bag I gave her.  That day she had told my husband and me about taking us to see where they sell fake bags.  It was funny because I gave her a real bag.  Later that day we went to see the fake bags.  My mother-in-law bragged to everyone how I gave her a real, a very REAL Coach bag.  She had to show off to the whole family and friends.  She was very happy.  If you are looking for a gift to give your future mother-in-law or another female, give her something name-brand thing like a bag. 

Grandma and Grandpa Sheng liked my gifts too. I gave them tea and mugs with my state's name and symbols on them.  In some readings I found that this has a bad cultural meaning in China.  My husband told them I made the mugs so it was more enjoyable than just a regular mug.  I also gave Grandma a hat.  She loved the hat.  One night we even danced with our hats on.  We both had similar style hats.  I had originally thought a red hat would work because it was her favorite color and in the USA, there is the red hat society.  This society is for elder women and they wear red hats and purple clothing.  My husband told me that red was for young women in China and that the purple hat that I also took alone would work for her.  I let her choose and she chose the purple one.  She was so cute.  I am glad to make Grandma happy.   Don't give someone a green hat (culturally meaning that the wearer's wife is cheating on him) and also don't give an elder a red hat because it is for a younger person.

Regardless of what you give, many people are thankful that you think of them. Here are tips:

1. Research what items are allowed in the country that you are traveling and the cultural understanding of gifts.  If you are traveling by air, you should wrap the gifts when you arrived, security needs to see what you have along for safety and customs. 
1. a) The weight of the gift should also be kept in mind.  
2. Remember that gifts are a kind way to show how you care for someone, this should be see in your gifts you give.  Rule of thumb is that if you would like it, they most likely will too.  
3. Seasons can help you also deiced what gift to give. Different times of the year allows different things to be given as gifts.  Flowers are great in the summer but not available in the winter months.  
4. How you give gifts can also be different.  In China, watching someone open a gift is rude whereas in the USA it is a normal thing. 

 

One of my gifts was making cookies, Grandpa Sheng loved these cookie bars.

Am I Fat?

I love food.  Cake is the best, heehee.

The worst question to be asked.  I work in retail and I constantly have women in the USA ask if they look fat.  In the fitting room women tend to see themselves bigger than they are and see themselves in unhealthy ways.  Garments, in my professional opinion, that fit perfectly do not fit them in their minds.  I have been in the same boat once in my life.

I grew up being the fat kid.  Since I was in elementary school I knew I was fat.  All the kids told me so and would make fun of me for it.  I was tormented when I was younger for being fat.  When I was in sixth grade I was already in women sizes and looked like I took clothes out of a closet of a grandma or a middle aged math teacher.  I couldn't have the style my classmates had.  There was not many options for plus size kids clothes back then.  Through the mocking of my weight and how it relates to my name Jenny, at that age I began to think that I was not worthy of respect or true friendship.

When I was in middle school I was at my heaviest.  I was a short person weighing close to 200 pounds (about 90.7kg).  In eighth grade I became very determined to not have other people's opinions and words get to me.  I had the mind set of "screw them" if they can't accept me for who I am.  At that time I also developed symptoms of Celiac Disease and became very sick.  My disease went unnoticed for years and I stared losing a lot of weight.  My body was damaged and no matter what I ate my body was starving to death because nothing was being absorbed.

Once we figured out what the problem was my weight went up and down when I was in high school.  In high school I was too focused on school work and studying to really pay attention of weight. I wanted to prove people wrong that a kid in special education can go to college and graduate.  I had some friends in high school that became true friends.  I was so happy for them in my life and I still get to talk to them once in a while.

When I got into college I started skipping meals.  I was around people who were focused on weight all the time and weight was an issue because of the weight change in USA citizens and how kids now-a-days were becoming more enlarged than other generations in the past.  When I was in my second year of college I had stopped eating and drinking water.  This lasted for ten days before I was hospitalized.  I had dropped down to 145 pounds (about 65.7kg) and I was not convinced that I had a problem.  I hid behind the fact that I lived with people who ate gluten and made it a big problem of cross-contamination.

I started eating at least one meal a day and brought my weight up to 150 pounds.  I started dating a guy who turned out to be an abusive butt-head.  He thought I needed to lose more weight and told me that he would love me more if that happened.  Are you kidding me?  That is not love.  If my size contributed to love or acceptance then don't you think the more heavy you are the more love you should get, like the saying of "more to love."

I broke-up with that guy and gained more weight.  "Brake-up weight" follows you everywhere.  I am still trying to lose that weight and it was so many years ago.  I met my husband online and we chatted every day and did video.  He would say things about my weight that at first I thought was very hurtful.  He is Chinese and in his culture the talking of weight is not a big deal and it is something very close people talk about.  He showed concern about my overall health that many believe is linked to weight.  In China, weight is linked with physical health, work ethic, and taking care of one's self.  In the USA, weight is linked with physical health, beauty, self worth, and mental health.

In the USA, weight  is not talked about as openly as in China.  A person in USA who is thought of as thin could be considered fat in China.  As my husband told me: a person could be fat and beautiful or fat and ugly like a person could be skinny and beautiful or skinny and ugly.  They do not link weight with beauty as the American culture does.  When I was in China I never really understood why people called me beautiful and thought I was fat at the same time.

I remember meeting my husband's uncle who was a very strict police officer.  He always wanted each family member to be involved in at least one sport.  Haha, does understanding superficial mindsets count as a sport? I do that everyday at work and when I was traveling I ran into some superficial personalities that made it difficult to understand them.  Yu's uncle would test my health and analyze me every time I would see him.  Each day he would give me a stern look and in a more lecturing voice tell me to do the ab roller machine thing at least 30 minutes a day.  I understand he is trying to look after my health but when it was 24 hours or less from your last annalist, I think it would be best to just give it a rest.  A person cannot lose 30 or 40 pound overnight.  That is when I began to not listen to uncle.

My husband loved overhearing people talk about me.  He would say that so-and-so were talking about my large backside and commented on how easy it would be for me to born sons.  Having a son, throughout any people's group's history is a good thing.  The first time I heard that my butt was large and that I will have many sons was when I first got to video with Yu's mother and grandmother.  I never had received such a complement before so it was rather different to hear.

My time in China was short.  When I was in China I felt as though people were so shocked that I worked hard with helping with the housework that it was strange.  After learning that the perception of fatness is the person's work ethic is lazy, I realized there was a connection.  Work ethic is very important in China.  The Chinese culture thrive on working hard.  At young ages kids are studying very hard in school. The school structure is much more stressful and strict than in the USA.  This mindset is a way of training people for the workplace and for real life.

I noticed that the more I shaked the worldview of people the more I started to feel more acceptance and not an odd resistance from my body type.  I also felt more at ease because I didn't have a  prejudice.  I noticed that most of the time I was around people other than my husband I would eat less than what I would normally.  When my husband found out that I was not comfortable eating the normal amount he was surprised.  He felt sorry that I was "starving" most of the time I was there.  He was being overly dramatic.  I was not really starving but still not fully satisfied.



Now that I'm back in the USA I am away from my husband.  It is hard to not be around him.  When I was around him I found a concordance that I didn't have before I went to China.  It was like my husband helped me realize what I grew up knowing or learning about myself was not true.  My self-worth was not resting solely on weight and how I looked. 

I am not perfect and that is okay because I am perfectly me.  I don't have to try so hard to meet expectations because the most important expectation is to be myself.  Accepting me is nice but not something I really need.

Each person has issues they face and each place in the world has their own views of weight and how they address it.  Weight is part of life and has no means to bring you any discomfort.  Being confidant is important but does not happen overnight.  You can have good days and bad days.  It is a bumpy road but having self-worth and knowing how you have self-worth is important.

I used to be depressed about how I was and thought I was worthless but as I grew up I learned my worth and found my confidence.  If you are struggling like the so many women I see at my work, please know you are not alone.



Women, 
If you are struggling with an eating disorder, body image issues, or criticism, please get help and know that sometimes professional help can make it better.  If you can't find a way to get professional help, talk to someone about how you are feeling and how you see what is happening around you.  Find friends that care about you and find a healthy outlet to let out some negative feelings. Please do not be the women that come in and suffer silently and try to struggle on your own.  You are a strong person and you deserve much more than the struggling life.  Life is so much more than how you look. Some of you might think I am crazy to suggest it but it is true.  Life is too short to worry about this topic.  You should enjoy life and not waste it by looking down on yourself or let others look down on you.  So take charge of your life and get the help you need.  I know it can be hard but it is well worth it.  Good luck women.  Know that you are treasured and loved! 

Look back on the happy moments in life. My graduation day, so happy to show that I can graduate college.

Enjoy life while you live. It was fun to see the sites when I was in China.

Be happy with who you are. I am happy to be Jen and I am okay with being silly and different.

Happy Lunar New Year!

Happy Lunar New Year!  

My sister and I at my favorite places to eat in the city.

I am excited to celebrate my first Chinese New Year (Spring Festival).  This year I had to spend it away from my Chinese family  It is tradition to be with the whole family at the celebration but this year I had to be with my family in the USA.   My USA family didn't want me to feel left out and wanted to show Yu that they honor his traditions, so we had dinner together at my favorite place.  There are all kinds of traditions people have for their new year's dinner.  Each country that celebrates this holiday have different traditions and foods they make.  At the place I went with family, the owner, Yin, let me try something her mom made for lunar new year.  I thought it was very good.

People tend to wrap the food in different things, traditionally banana leaves.  Yin's mom used foil.

This is a sticky rice mung bean cake  In the very center is pork

My Chinese family had all kinds of foods.  It took a long time to make everything.  My mother-in-law was very busy.  Food holds meanings and has traditions behind them.  These traditions are similar to my family's traditions of having Christmas cookies around Christmas time.  It is also tradition to clean.  Cleaning the house before the New Year will make room for good luck to be welcomed into the home.

My mother-in-law starting to cook

Cooked beef tongue

Mom and Grandma making rice cakes

It is tradition to have everyone go home for the holiday.   Many people say no matter how far a person lives, they always come home for the New Year.  It is seen as being unlucky if you are not home for the holiday.  Being that I am taking care of my mom and working in the USA, going to China at this time was not something I could do.  So I had to stay in the USA.  There is a tradition that Yu told me about that I did not know of.  Through all my research and readings on The Spring Festival/Lunar New Year, I had no idea what would be done if the whole living family was not all there. 

There is a tradition that at the family meal  a plate of food is put off to the side for the member missing.  My mother-in-law told me that I will get my own plate and that Yu, my husband, would have to eat it for me.  Yu said he ate double that day and was so full.  This tradition is a symbolic meaning of having the whole family together.   This means no one is left out. 

In the USA, we don't have this tradition in some of our holidays.  At Thanksgiving, we don't have a plate for the missing person as a symbol.  Hearing about this tradition made me really happy.  It made me feel like I was not being left out or missing the celebration even though I was over 7,000 miles away.  Yu also made it so that people could video chat with me.  It was nice to see family and meet new family members I have not had the pleasure of meeting in person. 

There are many things people do for New Year, fireworks, eating food, worship time, and being with family.  I think the most important is being with family.  I love spending time with my family both in the USA and in China.  In the USA I was able to get together with my mom's side of the family with some of the family, not everyone.  Below are photos of our family time.  We sure had fun.  It was strange that all the adults were dressed in black and white clothes.

My sister and I having a great time after dinner.

My cousin's little boy.  He was very interested with the place we were at.  He loved telling everyone "Hi"

My mom and dad testing out Red Bean Ice Cream.  It was not their favorite.

My cousin and his little girl.  She was so cute trying to eat Red Bean Ice Cream.

My dad trying to figure out what team to cheer for during the Super Bowl 2016.

My aunt and uncle.  They were so happy to tell me about the New Year animal being the Fire Monkey. They missed Yu and wanted him to know that they will look forward to next year's party.

I am enjoying tea after my dinner.  I had a lot of fun with family and enjoyed being with everyone there.

What do you do for Lunar New Year?  Have you learned new traditions?  Have you ever missed a family gathering? If so, what do people do? 

My Chinese Wedding

Professional wedding photos were taken before the wedding

We got to have different styles.  Sign is saying we will be a couple for 100 years!

My favorite photo.  This was very fun to take this one.

We took very traditional photos and fun photos too.

Yu and I had great fun trying to follow the photographer's orders.

This photo turned out very well. We look great in traditional Chinese wedding clothes.

The day of our Chinese wedding Celebration.  Yu decided he didn't want to wear traditional Chinese clothes.

We started the day very early.  Everyone loved to take photos with us.  I was able to meet more family and friends.  It was nice talking with everyone even though I didn't understand what people were saying.

We went from table to table to say "cheers" to everyone and to thank each person for coming.  Each guest gave us some advice for a long happy marriage and a long life together.

My new Chinese family!  I am so happy and blessed to be considered family.  I miss everyone so much.  I can't wait to come back and see everyone.

 My wedding in China had two parts to it.  There was part A where I went with Yu to the office to register for marriage on the 8th of October.  This took place at the capital, Nanjing.  After we registered for marriage it was time to continue to plan the wedding celebration that was held on the 18th of October.  In China, numbers have importance.  The number 8 is a very lucky number.  Any number that ends in 8 is also lucky. 

While I was helping with planning things (well, mainly just sitting there while my mother-in-law did most of the work), many people said to me that weddings in China are complicated.  From reading and researching about Chinese weddings I completely agree.  I went through a Chinese wedding and I still do not fully understand all that went on.  

The celebration on the 18th, from an American's perspective, would be considered multiple receptions due to the two banquets that are held.  On the 8th it was similar to the American ceremony with the vows given and acknowledge of marriage rights and all that jazz.  

On the 18th we got dressed up and everyone showed up to celebrate and congratulate us on getting married.  Yu said it was China's way of recognizing our marriage.  He said the 8th was legal way of recognizing we are married.  At the celebration we were greeted by fireworks and many family members coming to say hello.  Many small kids were around to say hello and to keep me company when the adults were talking to Yu.  I loved being able to be around the little kids.  They sure liked playing with the beads on my headdress I had on. 

Once we had everyone around and it was time to eat lunch we all got to our seats.  The meals were served on both floors of the house.  The living areas of the house were full of tables for the guests to sit at.  Each table had about 30 different types of dishes.  Each item had their own meanings and importance.  It was really cool to try things I never had before.  At one point in the meal Yu and I had to go to each guest and thank them for coming.  Yu's cousin, whom married earlier in the month, said if you don't eat quickly by the time you return to the table, you won't get much food.  It was nice of her to give me some tips. 

After the meal we had to go to our bedroom again to have tea to give us good luck and have a long marriage.  Then after the tea Yu's aunts helped put special bedding on the bed.  The bedding was in a big bundle and inside the bundle was some wedding treats that look like a cookie and some dried dates.  They were put in the bundle to grants us children early in the marriage.   Later that day we had a dinner that we had the same feast.

The following day we had another gathering to attend.  There was a total of 6 or 7 meals we had to celebrate our marriage.  In these meals there was protocol to follow to show respect to the hosts.  It was confusing to me at first but I was able to follow what others told me to do.

What traditions are you used to at weddings?  Have you experienced different traditions at weddings? It is always interesting to learn new things.  I know that I enjoyed every moment of my time with family in China. I can't wait to return again.

'Tis the Season to be Sick

Yu had to take photos to send to family in USA to tell them the doctor was helping me.

Working in retail in the USA makes it very difficult to have free time once the shop hits the holiday sales time.  The shop I work at started their holiday shopping season right after Halloween.  It has been so busy that people tend to lose sleep and then get sick.  We just finished the holiday seasonal shopping time in the USA and I am so glad too.  I have been getting sick left and right.

This made me reflect when I was sick in China. When I was in China, I had a bad cold.  When we were in Nantong, my husband said I should go to the hospital.  Since I think that a cold is no reason to go to the hospital I said I wouldn't go.  My cold got worse and my husband told me to rest after breakfast.   奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) checked on me before lunch and she began to be very worried.  She thought I had a high fever. The only reason I felt so warm to her was that I was under the big blankets people piled on top of me.

In China they believe that sweating out the cold is best. When we were in Wuxi, 舅媽 (Jiù mā [Aunt - uncle's wife]) let us barrow a foot bath machine that would heat the water.  I had to wrap up in blankets and soak my feet in very warm vinegar water. That is why I had to be under so many blankets in Nantong.

Once 奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) thought I had a bad fever she quickly yelled for 妈妈 (Māmā [Mom - my mother-in-law wanted me to call her this]) and my老公 ( lǎo gōng [husband]).  You could hear her yell for them as she left the house and went outside to the kitchen and then the fields.  老公 ( Lǎo gōng [husband]) came quickly to check on me.  He told me that he thinks I should go to the hospital and I told him no, it wasn't bad enough to go tot he hospital.  It was time for lunch as well so he helped me to the kitchen to get some food. The whole time in the kitchen I had 妈妈 (Māmā [Mom]) checking my fever using her hands on my forehead.  She would talk to 奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) about it.  Once I had enough of food I went back to bed.  老公 ( Lǎo gōng [husband]) told me that the doctor is coming to see me. He told me to be in the front bedroom.  

Once the doctor came he told everyone that I didn't have a fever.  Ha, I knew it but of course  奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) was convinced I had one.  She spent time praying to her gods.  She was so worried. 爷爷 (Yéyé [Grandpa]) was out working in the field with a friend or neighbor.  A neighbor granny came to check on me.  She was worried because she saw the doctor drive up to the house.  The doctor had given me medication through an IV. It was a different experience having a house-call from a doctor.  In the USA it is not very common to have a doctor come to the house.  The coat rack was used to hold up the IV liquids to help the flow of fluids.  After the doctor was done giving me the medication he put fluids on my IV.  After he left I was trying to rest.  The neighbor granny had a dog that came to check on me too.  He would come right up by the bed to tap my forehead with it's nose. 

After what seemed like a few minutes of sleep 爷爷 (Yéyé [Grandpa]) and his friend came to check on me.  He was happy to see color back into my face.  Once he knew I was doing well he went back out with his friend. 奶奶 (Nǎinai [Grandma]) came to see me and was so happy when she saw my face was more lively.  She gave me a good luck charm and 妈妈 (Māmā [Mom]) did too.  After feeling more alive I was able to go visit the other half of the family, 爸爸 (Bà ba [Dad]) and his family.


Everyone should try to stay healthy when it is cold and flu season.  Sometimes there are different ways to help people feel better, try them.  Also, sometimes it is better to see the doctor before your sickness gets out of hand, even if you don't think it is that bad.

Chinese words used today:

• 奶奶  -- Nǎinai  = Grandma
•  爷爷 -- Yéyé  = Grandpa
•  妈妈 -- Māmā  = Mom  (There is a special word for mother-in-law but mine wants me to call her mom and use this Chinese word -- always check to see which one is okay to use)
•  老公  -- Lǎo gōng = husband
•  舅媽  -- Jiù mā = Aunt - uncle's wife
•  爸爸  -- Bà ba  = Dad

Building a New House?

Yu's home when he visited for New Years

"Your mom is doing what?!" I expressed my shock as to what Yu had just said.  His mom was demolishing their house to rebuild a new one.  Yu explained that it is because I will be coming soon and his mom is preparing for our marriage.  At first I did not understand this but as time went by I was able to understand more.  It is a cultural view I was not used to.

In China, there is  expectations that some people hold for those whom are dating and those who will potentially get married.  These expectations are having a home, a car, a good paying job, and many other aspects.  Some may think that these expectations are materialistic or unreasonable but there is meaning to these things.  There is a sense of financial security within the relationship.  Within the Chinese culture, men are seen as providers.  Throughout history in many countries men were providers and had to prove that they can provide for a woman.  Now-a-days China is more opened to many different views but there is still a belief that men are providers.

So why is my future mother-in-law busy with rebuilding a house?  Within her view, a house means a home.  Her son is getting married and must be a provider for his wife.  She wants him to keep face to show that he can give me a home to live.  It shows that there is thought about the future. She wants to make enough room for me and our future family.  Even though we do plan to live in the USA, Yu said that it is still part of the cultural expectation in the area that he lives. 

During the Spring Festival, also known as Chinese New Year, Yu was able to go to see this new house.  He said that it was very big.  He was able to show me some of the house.  His mom had him show me around with a video.  She was so happy to be able to show me the house that was built.  She also wanted me to see her new kitchen and see the food she was making for the celebration of New Years. 

团圆 (tuán yuán) is a tofu ball soup that is commonly served at many family celebrations

This is sure a cultural difference that is hard to understand.  I know that my family is still confused by the whole thing.  My family at first was worried about what Yu will expect when he comes here.  Yu understands the cultural difference and the expectation is different.  He wants to show that he is a proper gentlemen who is reliable, respectable, and honorable.

What have you seen that is required for men and/or women within your culture?