My Top 5 Dates in China

My favorite dates I went on in China is difficult to pick so I will list my top 5 dates. For those who are looking for ideas you first need to understand the interests of both persons going on the date.  If you find things that both persons love to do, then it should be just fine.

When I was in China, a lot of our dates were had a lot of walking.  We would walk to all kinds of places.  If you don't like to walk, make sure you bring money with you so you can pay for the taxi.  We also enjoyed food when we were on our dates.  A large varieties of foods are available in China.  There are big fancy dinning experiences which Yu wanted to have me experience them.  Even though it was a nice gesture, I am not always comfortable with fancy things.  I enjoyed more relaxing meal settings.  I loved going to BBQ and having hot pot.

A fast food place in the subway in Shanghai.  So yummy!

Chinese BBQ in Shanghai.  This was World War 2 themed.  This place also had hot pot too.

My Top 5 dates when I was in China:

1. Taking a walk :  Yu and I took walks all the time.  It was lovely to take walks around in all cities we were in.  In Shanghai we would take walks around to see different sites, shopping, or going out to eat.  In Wuxi we would take a walk to talk and to exercise together.  In Nantong we didn't have much to do so we would go for a walk around the little village town near the farms we were at.  The best thing when you go on a walk is to talk and enjoy the time together.  If you are going to walk, find a place to eat too and make it fun.  That is what makes a simple walk rememberable. Sometimes if you don't know what to do, just walk because there will be ideas of things to do everywhere you look.

Walking around Shanghai. 

We walked around People's Square in Shanghai.

2. The park: This is a great thing to do.  It doesn't take much money to enjoy being with another person.  Yu and I walked to the local park in Wuxi.  This part was way different than some of the parks we have in USA.  There was a shopping center connected to the park along with many different nature paths and statues.  It was fun to just walk together and enjoy nature.  In Wuxi we came across a saxophone player who was practicing.  It was great to hear his music.  I will always remember Yu giving me a flower from a tree near the path and putting it in my hair.  It wasn't too long until bees started to try to get me.  Funny moments to remember.  There are amusement parks that charge admission if you are wanting to pay but if you are looking for a cost effective date, just go to the local park and look around.

The park in Wuxi.  I loved this park so much.

There was all kinds of statues around.

The amusement park (Happy Valley) we went to in Shanghai.

3. The zoo:  For those who love animals the zoo is a great idea for a date.  We went to the wildlife park in Shanghai. There is a fee for this zoo so keep that in mind.  It was fun to walk around the zoo seeing all the animals.  This zoo even had a bus to take you through the enclosures.  It was fun to fee the animals too.  The best part of this date was just being relaxed around the animals.  I enjoyed it so much. 

At the front gate of the zoo. 

Feeding the coy fish with a baby bottle.

At first I was scared to fee the swans.  Moments like this make memories.

On the bus to see the animals in the enclosures.

4. KTV: This has got to be the most popular activity in China.  KTV  is a place to go for karaoke. These places are more private than out in the open.  Each place is a little different with their rates.  This is something I haven't seen in USA before.  In USA most places for karaoke is more public.  This was fun to just sit back and enjoy music and song.  Yu told me that most Chinese use this to relax and unwind from work.  The place we went to KTV was in Shanghai.  They are found all over in all the cities I had visited.  The KTV we went to charges by the hour.  There was a large collection of songs to pick from even English songs.  Yu had to pull up the songs for me. haha

At KTV with Yu.  The room was set up like a living room.

5. Staying in: The best date I have been on did not involve money but time.  That is the reason to go on a date.  Spending time with your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend is the best part of a date.  When I was in China, we would spend a lot of time visiting family and doing activities for the wedding that when we were able to just be at home, that was the best feeling.  Watching a movie or tv show was always fun to do.  Yu loves movies and he loves putting up the projector to put the movie on the wall.

Yu setting up the movie!

Who says you have to go to the club/bar for a good drink?

In Wuxi trying to enjoy some time before the next family meet and greet.

Yu and I together in Nantong.  We just got back form shopping for wedding things.  Such a long day.

Finding joy in the small things and knowing expectations is a big factor in planning a date.  I am not one to expect much of anything from people.  I am happy with what I have and enjoy the small things in life. 

My Chinese Wedding

Professional wedding photos were taken before the wedding

We got to have different styles.  Sign is saying we will be a couple for 100 years!

My favorite photo.  This was very fun to take this one.

We took very traditional photos and fun photos too.

Yu and I had great fun trying to follow the photographer's orders.

This photo turned out very well. We look great in traditional Chinese wedding clothes.

The day of our Chinese wedding Celebration.  Yu decided he didn't want to wear traditional Chinese clothes.

We started the day very early.  Everyone loved to take photos with us.  I was able to meet more family and friends.  It was nice talking with everyone even though I didn't understand what people were saying.

We went from table to table to say "cheers" to everyone and to thank each person for coming.  Each guest gave us some advice for a long happy marriage and a long life together.

My new Chinese family!  I am so happy and blessed to be considered family.  I miss everyone so much.  I can't wait to come back and see everyone.

 My wedding in China had two parts to it.  There was part A where I went with Yu to the office to register for marriage on the 8th of October.  This took place at the capital, Nanjing.  After we registered for marriage it was time to continue to plan the wedding celebration that was held on the 18th of October.  In China, numbers have importance.  The number 8 is a very lucky number.  Any number that ends in 8 is also lucky. 

While I was helping with planning things (well, mainly just sitting there while my mother-in-law did most of the work), many people said to me that weddings in China are complicated.  From reading and researching about Chinese weddings I completely agree.  I went through a Chinese wedding and I still do not fully understand all that went on.  

The celebration on the 18th, from an American's perspective, would be considered multiple receptions due to the two banquets that are held.  On the 8th it was similar to the American ceremony with the vows given and acknowledge of marriage rights and all that jazz.  

On the 18th we got dressed up and everyone showed up to celebrate and congratulate us on getting married.  Yu said it was China's way of recognizing our marriage.  He said the 8th was legal way of recognizing we are married.  At the celebration we were greeted by fireworks and many family members coming to say hello.  Many small kids were around to say hello and to keep me company when the adults were talking to Yu.  I loved being able to be around the little kids.  They sure liked playing with the beads on my headdress I had on. 

Once we had everyone around and it was time to eat lunch we all got to our seats.  The meals were served on both floors of the house.  The living areas of the house were full of tables for the guests to sit at.  Each table had about 30 different types of dishes.  Each item had their own meanings and importance.  It was really cool to try things I never had before.  At one point in the meal Yu and I had to go to each guest and thank them for coming.  Yu's cousin, whom married earlier in the month, said if you don't eat quickly by the time you return to the table, you won't get much food.  It was nice of her to give me some tips. 

After the meal we had to go to our bedroom again to have tea to give us good luck and have a long marriage.  Then after the tea Yu's aunts helped put special bedding on the bed.  The bedding was in a big bundle and inside the bundle was some wedding treats that look like a cookie and some dried dates.  They were put in the bundle to grants us children early in the marriage.   Later that day we had a dinner that we had the same feast.

The following day we had another gathering to attend.  There was a total of 6 or 7 meals we had to celebrate our marriage.  In these meals there was protocol to follow to show respect to the hosts.  It was confusing to me at first but I was able to follow what others told me to do.

What traditions are you used to at weddings?  Have you experienced different traditions at weddings? It is always interesting to learn new things.  I know that I enjoyed every moment of my time with family in China. I can't wait to return again.

My Love Life: Facing Discrimination

Yu busy at work making sure workers are safe.

"Yes, for the last time, my future husband is Asian.  He is a Chinese citizen."  As soon as people hear that, all kinds of questions arise.  Where did you meet him, why an Asian guy, is it true what they say about 'them,' and so on.  The list of ridiculous questions grows so fast it is hard to keep track.  With all the prejudice still in society within the social structure of our culture, in the USA, intercultural and international relationships are put through the ringer.  I am in a long distance relationship and the internet has helped our relationship grow.  This kind of relationship has brought discrimination too.

He's an Asian man from China

Many times people are surprised and sometimes offended when they find out that I am going to marry a man from China.  I get people who ask how long he has been in China (thinking that he is just there on business), but once they find out he lived there all his life, I get the open-eyed, mouth agape stare.  People automatically think I will be with a white man (stupid stereotypes).

Lately people have been more supportive in comparison to when I first started to date Yu.  There are still people out there, though, that are determined to make it difficult.  Recently someone communicated their "concern" about Yu's intentions in regards to dating and marrying me.  These concerns were a cover up to discriminatory actions and words.  A lot of the time, most people assume he is just looking for a green card.  That could be true with some people but with Yu it is different.  He doesn't care if he gets one or not.  He only cares about being around me.  He doesn't want to leave my side like any loving boyfriend, fiance, and husband would feel.

We could live in China or in the USA, as long as we are together, that's all that matters.  We are hoping to live together in the USA because of the workers' rights, higher pay opportunities, clean air, and less population.  It took a lot of convincing Yu to try to come to the USA. 

We all have fear of new places.  I am slightly scared of going to China because I have never been there before and have never traveled before.  I know that Yu will take good care of me and will look out for me.  English is spoken more than I first thought, so I know that I won't be completely lost.  Yu tells me more of his fear of going to the USA is from the expectation that men have to be providers for their families.  He is worried about finding work which is a common worry no matter your location.

Why are you marring him?

I am marring a respectable man who has shown me he loves me.  I really don't understand why people question why.  Maybe it is linked to assumptions made about Asian men and how they treat women.  Yu was brought up with morals and a sense of family.  Family is important in most Asian cultures.  A lot of Asian guys have a sense of responsibility to their families, jobs, and other aspects in life.

I took a class in college about relationships.  One of the assignments was to make a list of traits that you are looking for in a relationship partner.  My list is as follows:

1. Respect and loves me for who I am-- At that time, I was dealing with an abusive boyfriend and a creepy stalker.  These men did not respect me or love me.  This was important to me and should be for any woman. This point made me continue to try to define and recognize respect and love.

•  Yu does meet this point.  He respects me so much that it was hard to believe it to be true at first.  In his culture young adults date to marry.  He respected me so much that he talked about how he takes dating serious.  He loves me more than my past relationships.  He was with me through hard times with my brain tumor.  I was really sick and he was always there to comfort me when I was scared.  He was brave for me but I knew he was very worried.  He broke down one day because he was so worried I was going to die.

2. Someone to take care of me -- At this time I was taking care of so many people that I lacked time to take care of myself. My boyfriend at the time was demanding of me to take care of him but never took any effort to help me or assist me in anything.  He didn't want to be bothered by me.  To take care of someone stems from love because it is an act of love.

• Yes, Yu does this.  In the past point, Yu helped take care of me when I was sick.  Even though were were so far way from each other (over 7,000 miles), he took care of me the best he could.  I have full faith in him following through with his view of being responsible for my well being.  He is protective of me which is something that I love about him. 

3. Someone I enjoy being around and I can be myself around them -- My ex boyfriend was more controlling and anything I said or did could tip the scales and make him mad.  Abusive relationships makes things uncomfortable and unnatural.   It was important for me to find someone I can be natural around. 

• Yu is great to be around.  I feel like I can be myself without any controlling or demands.  Yu doesn't want to change me.  He always tells me to be myself.  I enjoy out dates together.  No matter what I talk about with him, I do not feel judged.  This is important in a relationship.

So why am I marrying Yu?  I love Yu and I know he loves me too. Race as nothing to do with it.  The people whom think that there is something wrong with marring outside of the classification of race needs to really wake up and understand people are people. 

Truth about Asian men

Asian men are human.  Humans have a verity of traits. Race or nationality does not have any coloration with these traits.  Asian men are no different than other men in regards to physical traits, cultural traits differ due to many cultural aspects of the world.  This verity is common in any people group. 

Yu sent me a creative message while he was at work.

So tired of people telling me I shouldn't go to China to marry my fiance.  Yu is a nice guy and deserves the utmost respect.  Assumptions can hurt people, tactless words can hurt too.  Get all the facts before making judgments and confronting people based on lies and false beliefs.  Do not just make things more difficult for others or spew your hateful comments and discrimination. Love doesn't know boarders or nationalities. Love knows love and that is what matters most.  I love Yu and he loves me.

Family Time and Long Distance Relationships

Clearing up Confusion and Misunderstandings

Recently there has been confusion within my extended family about Yu.  He tries his hardest to use English well but he is just learning.  So my family misunderstood what he had said. It is common with multilingual relationships.  I do not speak Chinese, just learning too, so this makes it even more difficult to communicate sometimes.

Over the weekend we had a family gathering and I "brought" Yu along!  More like bring a phone and video calling him so people can meet him.  It got me thinking that maybe the confusion was also that they have not seen him, other than one of my younger cousins and my grandmother.  So I had my family, who were there, say hello to him.  The poor network connection made it tricky at times but it seemed like it worked well.

Yu was overwhelmed with so many people, how fast they were talking, and so many names.  He knows faces but not their names.  It is understandable and I think that my family understands too. Yu was happy to finally meet some of the family and can't wait to meet them in person.

Party Time!

Cousin Emily showing her gift from us.  Yu was happy I found some things in Chinese here in the USA.  I even practiced my Chinese characters on her birthday card.  To make it even better my mom and I were able to sing to her in Chinese.  

It was not too long after meeting everyone, Yu had to go to bed.  It was midnight, his time.  He was sleepy but he wanted to stay up to say hello to everyone. It made me proud of his commitment to greet everyone.  I told him he had to sleep because he had to go to work the next day.

After sending Yu to bed, it was time for the celebration to begin.  My younger cousin was celebrating her 15th birthday. I was able to record her party for Yu to watch later  He really wanted to be there to celebrate with others. I think he would have enjoyed playing games with everyone.  My youngest cousin was just learning how to read so he was on my team while we were playing Apples to Apples. ~We won second place!~

Long Distance Relationships

This kind of relationship is hard, not being able to be there in person is difficult.  Yu wanted so much to be with my family that I could tell that he was willing to stay up so late to video with them.  He asked what would be good for him to say and was particular to try his best to make a good impression to them.

I used to think long distance relationships could not work out.  Since dating Yu I have realized distance is nothing in a relationship.  Here is what I mean:

1. Distance does not lessen how much a person loves you.  The distance between two mature people has no correlation between the amount of love each person has for the other.  With that in mind, it leads us to the second point of trust.  Trust is involved in relationships and is needed in a long distance relationships. 

2. Trust is key to the relationship.  More trust in the other person is needed for a long distance relationship.  To any relationship, trust is needed.  No matter the distance, if you lack trust in the person, your relationship will fall apart very easily.  Long distance relationships will take a lot of trust and will test your trust in the other person.  I know that I have learned a lot about myself and my trust levels.  This leads right into the next point.

3. Understanding and commitment to understanding the other person is important in long distance relationships.  My relationship with Yu requires understanding.  We have a language barrier, time difference, and cultural differences that need a lot of understandings so there is no confusion and misinterpretations. This is part of caring for another person.  In a true relationship, it takes work to understand the other person.  It is no different in a long distance relationship.  My relationship with Yu showed me how much understanding I really do have.

4.  Caring for someone takes time and effort.  Most long distance relationships that do not work out is lacking the care and the effort it takes to keep it going.  That means that the time could have been cut short because of distrust, disloyalty, and other reasons, but deep down someone gave up.  This happens in normal relationships too.  Everything is heightened in a long distance relationship though. 

SO can long distance relationships work?

Sure they can.  It just takes more effort and time to care enough to keep the relationship and have understanding for one another and trust in each other.  Love can actually get stronger.  I have felt more love from Yu than I did in any of my other relationships that were not long distance.

Have anyone experienced a successful long distance relationship or a failed one?  How has it changed you?

Words for Thought

What is on your mind?  Many may think about random things like what they want to eat or what movie to watch.  Maybe you are thinking of some practical ways to carry out your days.  I am different.  I am thinking of so many things at the moment and have been thinking about these things for a long time. Sometimes we have to stop and think of what is important.  If you do not know, just take a moment to think of all the nouns in your life.  Narrow it down to put everything into perspective.  Apart from family members, who or what else matters to you?

I care more about my fiance than all of the hustle and bustle of the world.   He lives and works in a popular city in China.  It's a long distance relationship that has many obstacles such as language, far distance, and time difference.  It takes a special person to bring down the walls I put up around my heart.  Without his hard work to get me to see how special he is, I would not have found the love of my life.

I have told him many times he is my prince or knight.  He would always give me a smile and laugh.  I do not think he understood it very much.  He would say that he is not a prince or a knight, but I know different.  Not all princes or knights are rulers of countries or warriors.  Some may think it's fantasy that I'm thinking of and that is partly true.  I am a writer of castles and knights so I like to put myself in that time period to understand my characters, but that is not the case here.

My fiance is very noble and protective.  He stands by his morals and his code of honor.  He was able to see me when I was in the darkness of a fortress of my own defenses. Unable to find my own way out of darkness of being behind the walls, he entered when I gave up hope.  At first, fear kept me hidden but he offered his hand to help me out of the depths to pull me out into the light.  He learned of the evils that kept me imprisoned within.  The knowledge I thought he would use to his benefit like others who have done before, but he did not.  He helped me.  He helped me trust again and he helped me love again.

Is my fiance a prince or knight?  Yes he is.  He saved me from giving up on people, and for that, I am very thankful.

Who are you thankful for?

My fiance, Yu Sheng!