Culture Shock

Shanghai, China

Hello, I am back in the USA.   It feels good to be back to catch up with people and get back to work but I also feel sad because my husband is in China right now.  We are hoping he will be able to come to the USA soon.

My trip to China was great.  I learned so much and hope to share what I have learned with you.  My travels was in four cities in China.  I was able to visit Shanghai, Wuxi, Nanjing, and Nantong.  These places were great to visit.  I loved seeing family and friends when I was there.

I am shocked at how comfortable I was in China.  My thoughts before I went to China was that I would feel lost without knowing the language or get physically lost among all the people.  Once I got there, I felt better about being there.  When I was in Shanghai there were so many people in the subway that it was a little worrisome of how to enter or exit the subway car.

Something that shocked me was the different culture about environment upkeep.  It was acceptable to throw trash on the ground, other than in areas that have signs posted.  This shocked me since the place I live in the USA where there has been a more successful movement of keeping the Earth clean from litter. My husband was always wondering why I would yell at him every time he would throw trash on the ground.  He was shocked at how much trouble you could get into in USA.

Smoking is very common in China.  Expect to always be around smoking unless you are taking public transportation.  Public transportation, more often than not, will have signs that say "NO SMOKING"  and sometimes where would be videos of what is acceptable to do on transit. When you are walking down the street, some shops, and going out to eat are common places to find people smoking.  At my wedding cigarettes were handed out as part of the celebration.  It was hard for me to be around so much smoke.  There were many times where I had to excuse myself to get some fresh and cleaner air.  I have breathing problems because of my asthma and smoke is a trigger for my asthma attacks, so I was always prepared with my asthma medication.

Those were the top few things I had difficulty with at first.  As my stay continued I learned more about Chinese culture and some beliefs my Chinese family holds.  It mainly felt natural and normal, I didn't have much shock really.

Has anyone experienced culture shock before when you traveled or even where you live?

When I came back to the USA I had a little trouble getting used to the culture here.  Things were just a little different since I had became accustomed to China.  Food was one thing that I had a hard time to get used to again in the USA.  I still miss Chinese food, good homemade foods from China.

Foods to cook at the BBQ restaurant. 

Travel Documents Part 2: Chinese Visa

I have done a lot of research on how to apply for my Chinese visa.  At first I have been a little worried about the process but I was able to get information from a few different visa services and from the Chinese Consulate.  The consulate that has jurisdiction over mine region is located in Chicago.  Make sure you read carefully on your consulate's website for the information regarding the steps in applying for the visa.  The consulate in Chicago does not accept mailed in applications.

What do you do then?!?

I thought I would have to travel all the way to Chicago just to take it in person to hand it in.  So here I was trying to plan another trip just to go to Chicago before going to China.  Just when was I going to do that?  After working two jobs for seven days straight, it leaves less time off considering every day is twelve hours long, and asking for time off is nearly impossible.  I wanted to take days off for going to China not going to Chicago (no offense Chicago loving people).

I had looked at visa services before and I was always leery on sending my passport to another person.  It took forever to get my passport, I don't want to part with it!  With knowing the cost of the trip to Chicago would be more than some of these visa services would cost, I decided to do more research.

~The Researcher~

To the research lab we go! [Batman music playing the background]

Researching your options is very important. I found some sites for visa services are better than others.  Look at what people are saying about the site and/or business.  Also look at the Better Business Bureau (BBB) reviews on the service too.  The site I had originally planned to use did not answer any emailed questions I had, there were mixed reviews from users, and the BBB gave it an "f" rating.  I decided on a different visa service.  This visa service I decided to go with had great reviews and the BBB gave it an "A+" rating.

What do you need to apply?

You need to look at what your consulate requires.  Some locations require more but most require the same thing.  Click here for a detailed list of the types of visas you can apply for.  You need your passport for applying for your visa.  You also need a photo.  I went to get my photo taken at the local UPS shop.  I got two photos for the price of one; one for my passport and the other for my visa.

Next you need to fill out a form to apply. Click here for the visa application.  If you don't read Chinese, do not worry, there are English translations on the form too. Make sure to not leave any blanks.  If you don't have an answer to a question or it doesn't apply to you, use N/A to indicate that.  Remember, all forms much be typed.  Access to a computer and printer is important here.  If you don't have one, go to the library to be able to use the printing.  If you can't figure it out, ask the library staff for help.  They are there to help you, just remember to be nice to them. 

You will need to send your passport, a copy of your passport and/or identification as well as a form of proof you are going to China.  This proof could be a copy of itinerary for the airline tickets, hotel reservations, a list of places from the tour group you are using, and even an invite letter.  I sent the invitation letter Yu sent me and I also included my airline itinerary.   If you are going to have an invitation letter, you will need to check with your Chinese Consulate to make sure you meet the requirements.

You used a visa service, what one did you use?

I used CVSC.  This service was great.  At the research lab, I was able to see the BBB's rating on this business and I was able to figure out that this service was very good.  The BBB gave the CVSC an A+ rating.  This made me feel a lot better about sending my items there.  The CVSC sent me messages when they received my application and when they sent it to the Consulate.  They also gave me more messages when they got it back from the Consulate, when my application was approved, and when they sent me my items back.  The fact that they did that gave me peace of mine.  Considering the amount of hours I work, I am glad I was able to depend on someone else for help with the process.  I was surprised at how quickly I got my items back.  I thought it was going to take longer.



It is really cool to get a ten year visa with multiple entries.  You don't have to use a service if you don't want to.  I did because it was easier for me.  Hope everyone who is applying can research their options and find something that works for them.  What did you used to apply for your visa?  How was your experience?

Next on the list: Proof of Single Status

Travel Documents Part 1: Passport

Got my passport in the mail.  Yu was happy to find out too.

Every place you go outside of your home country will require some form of documentation when traveling.  For my trip to visit Yu, I will need some travel documents.  I will need a passport and a Chinese visa.  I have never had a passport before so I was looking forward to doing something new.  I was able to fill out my forms online to submit my application at the local passport office.

I am sure most people can apply without issues of needing more information to prove who they are.  I was unlucky.  I had to send a lot more information that were five or more years old.  It was a bit frustrating to be honest because these were not expressed to me before I applied. It took a long time for them to notify me that more information was needed then it took even more time to get my passport. Yu was getting worried about it, which made me more anxious about it.

Based on my experience, make sure you allow a lot of time.  It took about two and a half months for me to get my passport which is longer than the four to six weeks that is said to be the processing time.  Make sure to also give enough time for any technological and other problems that the processing office may have.  During my processing of my application there were a lot of issues with technology problems. 

If you are applying for a USA passport, click here to learn more about applying for one.  It was helpful to use their online resources to help calculate the cost as well. Their online forms help fill in the information in the form for you too so it was very easy to fill it out.  Take your time and print it off for the application to be given to the local passport office. 

What is next on the list?

1. Doctor visit for travel and getting medical papers
2. Chinese Visa
3. Single Proof Certificate for marriage registration in China 

Airplane Ticket and My Future Mother-in-Law

My first time buying an airplane ticket to another country, to anywhere for that matter.  The closest I have been to an airplane was years ago.  I was little and I would watch the plane take off with my father on-board on his way to business trips.  The thought of being on an aircraft is both exciting and scary at the same time.  The unknown is scary but it is what you do with your fear that makes you brave.

Traveling over 7,000 miles will give me a lot of experience being on an aircraft.  I've been doing a lot of readings on what to do on long flights and I have an idea of what can keep be occupied.  I also have done readings on what to expect for international travels. 

Booking my ticket:

My friend GA told me to keep looking and to sign up to get notifications.  GA has done a lot of travel so I took his advice, although I did not sign up to be notified.  I kept checking month after month for any change.  I was able to find a great price for a round trip ticket.  Thanks to Expedia, it was easy to find a low price and it was easy to book a flight.

I always thought it was going to be more difficult to book a flight but it was a lot easier.  I even signed up for a special miles reward program with the airlines I will be using.  All I have to do now is to get my paperwork and travel documents together.

My future mother-in-law:

My future mother-in-law is so happy to hear I'm coming.  She is very excited and is counting down the days.  She is so kind to me.  She keeps telling Yu to keep asking when I am going to get there.  She is so excited that it makes me even more excited about going to see her.  She was so filled with joy when she found out I booked my flight.

Today I talked with her though video chat.  Yu helped translate because of my poor Chinese and her poor English.  She misses me so much.  I miss her too.  She is always so nice to me and always wanting to help if people are sick.  Today she told me that she misses me so much and that I will see her very soon.  She kept telling Yu to give me the family ring.  The ring is very dear to her.  It was passed down from generation to generation.  In American culture, we have similar traditions.  I think it is a great honor she wants me to have it.

My future mother-in-law is wanting to teach me how to cook Chinese food, not the Americanized way.  I am looking forward to it.  She also wants to help me learn Chinese.  "Keep learning!" she says to me always.

I feel like our relationship is much better than it was when I first started to date Yu.  At first she didn't like the idea of her son dating an American girl.  She had no idea about me and who I was as a person.  I was so nervous about meeting her the first time.  I received her approval which made me so happy.

In Chinese culture there are expectations on men to be deemed as date-able, you have to have a house, a car, money, and a good paying job.  Yu's mom thought that if Chinese have this expectation that the Americans will have a higher expectation.  Owning a house, a car, and having money to burn is very difficult for anyone  and in China it is even more difficult due to work and higher taxes.  Essentially it is cheaper in the USA than in China.

She was so shocked that my expectations  were different than the norm in China.  I expect Yu to respect me, love me, and show effort in a life with me.  She was happy to know I accept her son the way he is. 

My future mother-in-law kept telling her friends and other people in her life that her son's American girlfriend is coming to visit  and will marry her son.  I am so happy to be able to see her very soon.

The train.  When I go to see my mother-in-law I will get to go on the train to her city.

My Love Life: Facing Discrimination

Yu busy at work making sure workers are safe.

"Yes, for the last time, my future husband is Asian.  He is a Chinese citizen."  As soon as people hear that, all kinds of questions arise.  Where did you meet him, why an Asian guy, is it true what they say about 'them,' and so on.  The list of ridiculous questions grows so fast it is hard to keep track.  With all the prejudice still in society within the social structure of our culture, in the USA, intercultural and international relationships are put through the ringer.  I am in a long distance relationship and the internet has helped our relationship grow.  This kind of relationship has brought discrimination too.

He's an Asian man from China

Many times people are surprised and sometimes offended when they find out that I am going to marry a man from China.  I get people who ask how long he has been in China (thinking that he is just there on business), but once they find out he lived there all his life, I get the open-eyed, mouth agape stare.  People automatically think I will be with a white man (stupid stereotypes).

Lately people have been more supportive in comparison to when I first started to date Yu.  There are still people out there, though, that are determined to make it difficult.  Recently someone communicated their "concern" about Yu's intentions in regards to dating and marrying me.  These concerns were a cover up to discriminatory actions and words.  A lot of the time, most people assume he is just looking for a green card.  That could be true with some people but with Yu it is different.  He doesn't care if he gets one or not.  He only cares about being around me.  He doesn't want to leave my side like any loving boyfriend, fiance, and husband would feel.

We could live in China or in the USA, as long as we are together, that's all that matters.  We are hoping to live together in the USA because of the workers' rights, higher pay opportunities, clean air, and less population.  It took a lot of convincing Yu to try to come to the USA. 

We all have fear of new places.  I am slightly scared of going to China because I have never been there before and have never traveled before.  I know that Yu will take good care of me and will look out for me.  English is spoken more than I first thought, so I know that I won't be completely lost.  Yu tells me more of his fear of going to the USA is from the expectation that men have to be providers for their families.  He is worried about finding work which is a common worry no matter your location.

Why are you marring him?

I am marring a respectable man who has shown me he loves me.  I really don't understand why people question why.  Maybe it is linked to assumptions made about Asian men and how they treat women.  Yu was brought up with morals and a sense of family.  Family is important in most Asian cultures.  A lot of Asian guys have a sense of responsibility to their families, jobs, and other aspects in life.

I took a class in college about relationships.  One of the assignments was to make a list of traits that you are looking for in a relationship partner.  My list is as follows:

1. Respect and loves me for who I am-- At that time, I was dealing with an abusive boyfriend and a creepy stalker.  These men did not respect me or love me.  This was important to me and should be for any woman. This point made me continue to try to define and recognize respect and love.

•  Yu does meet this point.  He respects me so much that it was hard to believe it to be true at first.  In his culture young adults date to marry.  He respected me so much that he talked about how he takes dating serious.  He loves me more than my past relationships.  He was with me through hard times with my brain tumor.  I was really sick and he was always there to comfort me when I was scared.  He was brave for me but I knew he was very worried.  He broke down one day because he was so worried I was going to die.

2. Someone to take care of me -- At this time I was taking care of so many people that I lacked time to take care of myself. My boyfriend at the time was demanding of me to take care of him but never took any effort to help me or assist me in anything.  He didn't want to be bothered by me.  To take care of someone stems from love because it is an act of love.

• Yes, Yu does this.  In the past point, Yu helped take care of me when I was sick.  Even though were were so far way from each other (over 7,000 miles), he took care of me the best he could.  I have full faith in him following through with his view of being responsible for my well being.  He is protective of me which is something that I love about him. 

3. Someone I enjoy being around and I can be myself around them -- My ex boyfriend was more controlling and anything I said or did could tip the scales and make him mad.  Abusive relationships makes things uncomfortable and unnatural.   It was important for me to find someone I can be natural around. 

• Yu is great to be around.  I feel like I can be myself without any controlling or demands.  Yu doesn't want to change me.  He always tells me to be myself.  I enjoy out dates together.  No matter what I talk about with him, I do not feel judged.  This is important in a relationship.

So why am I marrying Yu?  I love Yu and I know he loves me too. Race as nothing to do with it.  The people whom think that there is something wrong with marring outside of the classification of race needs to really wake up and understand people are people. 

Truth about Asian men

Asian men are human.  Humans have a verity of traits. Race or nationality does not have any coloration with these traits.  Asian men are no different than other men in regards to physical traits, cultural traits differ due to many cultural aspects of the world.  This verity is common in any people group. 

Yu sent me a creative message while he was at work.

So tired of people telling me I shouldn't go to China to marry my fiance.  Yu is a nice guy and deserves the utmost respect.  Assumptions can hurt people, tactless words can hurt too.  Get all the facts before making judgments and confronting people based on lies and false beliefs.  Do not just make things more difficult for others or spew your hateful comments and discrimination. Love doesn't know boarders or nationalities. Love knows love and that is what matters most.  I love Yu and he loves me.

How to Make a Ring Bearer Pillow

I am a do-it-yourself kind of person.  From one of my work places I have noticed that ring bearer pillows tend to be more expensive, so I decided to make my own.  I figured out a way to use what I have to make a pillow for my wedding for under $1 USD. Getting materials, if you do not have any on hand, will be more than a dollar depending on what materials you choose to use. 

First you have to figure out what kind of pillow you want to make.  I decided to make a square pillow with my wedding colors and some symbols that mean something in the Chinese culture.  I decided I wanted red and yellow/gold and that I wanted to put a dragon and phoenix on the pillow. These two animals are symbols of a couple, they are lovers, in the Chinese culture. 

Start somewhere in your work. I started at the tail.

I then went to the wing

Nice thing about the paper, it can be easily removed.

On to the dragon.

Adding beads to make the image shine.

The lucky knot I made.  Took time to get it right.

The final results

Materials:

1. Fabric -- I used yellow-gold felt that I had already
2. Thread in the color or colors you intend to do embroidery with
3. Beads and notions for decorating the pillow
4. Wide ribbon
5. Cording or thinner ribbon
6. Fiber fill
7. Scratch paper for pattern making
8. Pencil or pen
9. Pins
10. Needles -- I used two different ones because of the small beads I used. 

Steps:

1. First you need to decide the shape of the pillow and the size.  I used paper from my recycling bin.  I measured out an even square to cut out and pinned down to two felt sheets. Then cut out the shape.  
2. I drew out the image of a phoenix and a dragon based on some images I have seen online.  I used my sketches as a guide.  I cut out the paper and placed them down to decided on placement.  I then pinned them down on one piece of fabric. 
3. This is the step when you start embroidery with the color of thread of your choosing.  I was able to  have red thread around the house so I was good to go.  I started at the top of the tail and worked my way down.  I stitched along guide lines that I made in my sketch,  These lines are great for details and can be used for a guide for beads later.  Try to get the thread even and untwisted so it will lay flat.  This will make the work look neat and clean.  
4. After embroidery, it is time to add beads and details to your work. I used glass seed beads that I had from other crafts.  The beads I picked were red, gold, yellow, and three black beads for the eyes. 
5. Once your embroidery and bead work is done, you are ready to add cording or ribbon to the center that will hold the rings.  I decided to follow steps, I found online on YouTube, to tie a Chinese lucky knot to decorate the center more.  I used nylon cording.  I burned the ends to prevent fraying. I secured the knot with thread.  
6. It is now time to sew up the pillow. Aline the right-sides together.  Make sure your wide ribbon is between the right sides.  This will allow the ribbon to be on the backside of the finished pillow so it can be easily held.  Stitch along the edges allowing an opening so you can stuff the pillow.  
7. Once the sides are sewn you need to turn the pillow right-sides out.  This allows you to stuff the pillow with fiber fill. Once the pillow is stuffed, it is time to finish sewing the opening.  
8. Once the opening is closed you can be done or you can put a stitch in the center to add more flair. 

Following Dreams

Ever since I was little I was told I could be anything I wanted to be.  Most kids wanted to be doctors, actors, or someone very famous like the President of the United States.  When I was a kid, I wanted to be a bird so I can travel to new lands.  Since I couldn't be a bird I decided to become a writer.  Lately I have come back to my writing projects and have enjoyed my writing again.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes."
 --Disney's Cinderella

Sometimes it takes time to follow your dreams.  My dream of being an author will take a lot of time and courage.  I have to not forget my wish.  I would love to share my stories with others.  This is something that I find fulfilling in life.  Sharing stories is like sharing part of my heart or my voice.  It makes it powerful to be able to express myself.  I believe everyone has a story to tell and everyone can express that.  It could be different for each person.  Some people express themselves through dance, music, art, sports, and much more.  It just takes time to find the right outlet to use.


Recently one of my friends is following his dream of songwriting and singing.  I am so proud of him.  He is entering a contest for singer/songwriters.  You should check out his video here.  He has always been very musical and I am so happy he decided to continue his dream. Good luck Ku!

It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to your dreams.  Take courage to follow your dreams, no matter what it is or where it is.  It may seem far off but if you keep at it, you can reach your goal.  Just keep telling yourself you can do it.  

For me:

Shanghai

I have finished my first book, only the draft, and I started the second one. It is slow but I keep telling myself that one day I will make it.  As for my dream from when I was a little girl, I will get to visit China soon.  I am excited for my upcoming trip.  I get to see a few different cities in China so it will be very exciting. I may not have turned into a bird, but I can travel using an aircraft.

What are your dreams? Have you followed them lately?